$10 Pizzas Are Lying To America

18 05 2010

So, I’m sure that many of you have seen the ads for $10 pizzas as of late. DON’T BUY THEM! This is one of the oldest lies in American history – right behind who really freed the slaves. Back in 1832 when the pizza pie was invented by Donaldo Pizzaria Decivio, he had a brilliant scheme to create a product so good that mortal men were held incapable of resisting it’s tempting aroma and melty-cheese/meat combo. (On a side note: I once had a friend that heard his girlfriend had a three-way with one of his buddies and he immediately run up the street and retrieved a pizza from our local shop to quell his rage – he later ate the whole thing by himself in his room.)

Decivio knew that man was incapable of resisting a food so delicious as much as he knew that man was incapable of resisting a bargain. So, he priced his delicacy at 10 cents (today’s equivalent of $10). It was a brilliant plan and brought the sheep flocking in mass. What Decivio forgot to tell the people was that with the added cost of tax and delivery the pizza was no longer 10 cents, but rather, 17 cents! 19 if you tip well. It was an outrage of monumental proportions. People revolted! Children were slaughtered in genocidal-like style! Mothers wept and men turned to booze. The deception by Decivio made him filthy rich, but left his home country in ruin. He cared very little, if at all, for he was bound for the new world; he was bound for Am-er-ica.

It was in America that Decivio fell in love with a beautiful woman, who gave birth to two boys, PapJo and PizHut. They were brilliant lads who followed in their father’s footsteps, opened their own pizzerias and continued the family practice. Now, hundreds of years later, the scam has once again risen it’s ugly head in the shape of a $10 pizza promise. Hold steady my friends, resist the temptation, cover your noses and hide your wallets, for I promise there is nothing free in this world, there is no Shangri-La, and there is no $10 pizza snuggled beneath your pillow.




One response

11 12 2010

This gets 50 hits a day. If someone wanders on to this site, leave a message if this expresses your feelings about $10 pizza… or not.

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