Say No to Spelling Bees – by Chris T.

21 06 2010

It’s World Cup time! Now that soccer fever has infected America, I figured it’s a good time to talk about another useless competition, the Spelling Bee (if you’re a person who gets offended when people put down soccer, don’t worry. No more the rest of the article. Promise).

The first Spelling Bee was in 1925. You know why it started? To sell dictionaries. Those bigwigs at Webster created their own “sport”, passed it off as educational, all so they could sell the rulebook (read: the dictionary).

Why did we ever think this was a good idea? Subjugating kids to be put on display for no other reason than to humiliate them when they misspell “necessity”? It would be different if this were a written contest. Isn’t that the whole point of spelling? Not to look like an idiot when you write things? If someone asks how to spell something in real life and you don’t know, you can shut up until someone else tries, or if it’s just you and the other person, tell them you don’t know (they don’t either, so they’re just as dumb as you.) That is the only reason you spell out loud. The rest of spelling is you and your paper. And no one writes on paper anymore, so your good ole buddy spellcheck will get you out of this (it should also be noted that my spellcheck just highlighted spellcheck. My computer may explode at any minute).

And please don’t tout that you enjoy watching spelling bees. You don’t. It’s painfully boring and you know you only to watch to see if one of those Asian kids will faint again. That’s cruel. Yung Chin would’ve been much better off had he just been that guy in your office who quietly spelled well. The whole competition is full of overbearing parents and judges with dictionaries who act like you’re a complete idiot the second you accidentally say “F” before you spell “valley”. And how come they don’t let you go back and delete a letter! Sometimes you freeze up!

Let’s just agree to abolish it. Spelling is a lost art. Let’s keep it that way.

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