Exclusive Amanda Bynes Interview

23 06 2010

Amanda was nice enough to give us a call yesterday and talk about her decision to quit acting.  We also got the chance to talk about life, love, and what it means to be human.

Me:  Amanda, hey. First, thanks taking the time to talk with me today.

Amanda:  No problem.  I’ve always loved Newsweek.

Me:  Eh, yeah. Newsweek is great.  This must be quite a wild time for you.

Amanda:  It really has been.  A lot of people are making wild speculations about why I’ve quit acting.  I think I even read one person that said I was going into rehab because of a Lindsay Lohan type drug problem.  It’s funny because I’ve never done drugs.  These people must be Lindsay Loco! (Laughs)  Well you must have a lot of questions so why don’t you begin.

Me:  Great.  Your first television credit seems to be ARLISS.  Is that what drove your decision to quit acting?

Amanda:  I’m not really following you.

Me:  Well, when ARLISS first came out people thought it was a pretty okay show, but now looking back it’s become an accepted fact that ARLISS did indeed suck.  So has the shame and embarrassment of appearing in an episode of ARLISS affected your decision to retire?

Amanda: No. I liked ARLISS. I think—

Me: Really? You liked ARLISS? Didn’t you think that guy who played Arliss was really annoying?

Amanda: You mean Robert Wuhl?

Me: Yeah, Robert Wuhl. That dude sucks. He almost ruined the first Batman. He played some twerp reporter who tried to hang around Kim Basinger.

Amanda: Okay.  Eh, I don’t really remember that, but I can say that Robert was a consummate professional and a really nice guy.

Me:  Okay, moving on to something less boring.  In What A Girl Wants you worked with Kelly Preston.

Amanda:  Fabulous woman. Fabulous actress.

Me:  My question is about nudity.  She appeared nude in Jerry Maguire

Amanda:  Really? I didn’t know that.

Me: That’s probably because you’ve only watched in on TNT.  In the real version she shows her breasts during a hot sex scene.  I guess my question is that if people wanting you to show your breasts and you not wanting to OR you wanting to show your breasts and people not wanting you to show them had any affect on your decision?

Amanda: Wow. Well that’s a bit confusing—

Me: I think it’s pretty straight forward. Can you just let me be the journalist and you the actress who may or may not have quit due to “boob showing” pressure.

Amanda: Okay. Fine. The answer to both questions is No.

Me: No boob pressure?

Amanda: None at all.

Me: That’s surprising.  Moving on.  It looks like THE AMANDA SHOW ran for 86 episodes.  Were any of them good?

Amanda: I thought they were all good.  The writing was excellent.

Me:  Yeah, it must be really challenging to come up with ideas about a really hot teenager who is inexplicably unpopular.

Amanda:  I’m sensing your sarcasm and I think it’s unprofessional.

Me: Okay, good. I was a little worried because sometimes it’s hard to tell if sarcasm is coming across over the phone.

Amanda:  I’m soo happy for you (trying to sound sarcastic).  And anyway that’s not what THE AMANDA SHOW was about.

Me: Oh, sorry. I’ve never seen it because it looked really stupid.  Let’s change the subject.  In 2007 you starred in the movie Sydney White where you played a really hot girl who for some reason was in a sorority full of nerds.

Amanda: Did you just go on to my IMDB page to prepare for this interview?

Me: No.

Amanda:  If you say so.

Me: Well, according to IMDB the movie performed poorly in the box office.  Was the shitiness of the film in any way a catalyst for your decision?

Amanda:  You’re an asshole.

Me: Please refrain from cursing. We’re both professionals here.

Amanda:  Sure we are. For the record.—

Me: And you don’t need to say “for the record”.  It makes you sound stupid because all of this is “for the record”.

Amanda: Fine.  Sydney White was not a failure.  Metaphorically speaking it’s like dating someone for a year and then breaking up on amicable terms.  No one’s hurt and everyone’s wiser for the experience.

Me:  Wow! That’s a great metaphor.  Did you actually go to college or did you just play a college student in Sidney White? I can’t tell the difference!

Amanda: Again with the sarcasm.

Me:  Yep.

Amanda: I’m losing my patience.

Me: Okay, sorry.  There’s a rumor that you’ve quit acting because you want to pursue rap music much like Jaquin Phoenix.  Is that true?

Amanda:  That’s not true at all.  Who started that rumor?

Me: Me and my mom.  It sucked, though because she put it up on her blog before I could break the story.  Her blog’s called “Super Mom Blog” and it’s got a picture of her head on Superman’s body.

Amanda:  That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  This interview is over.

Me: Metaphorically speaking?

Amanda: No for real. I’m hanging up.

Well, as you can see Amanda Bynes is a class act and very interesting person.  We here at CCTT wish her well in her future endeavors.

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