The Problem With Kansas

25 06 2010

When I was in college, I knew a girl from Kansas (properly pronounced Kansaw). Lovely girl, save the fact she had no idea how to pronounce her home state. When I would try to teach her the proper pronunciation of Kansaw, she did not take kindly to the suggestion to say the least. At first, I couldn’t understand for the life of me why, but then it struck me and I realized that the only time people are so staunch and violent in their defense of something so inherently incorrect is when they know it’s incorrect. It’s the elementary school principal (also the adultery technique – Tiger!Whoot!) of sticking to your guns at any cost, as to not be caught in the obvious lie.

You see, Arkansas (pronounced Ar-Kan-Saw) was the 25th state when it joined the union in 1836. Kansas (pronounced Kans-As) was the 34th state when it joined the union in 1861. So, if Arkansas was first in the union, it would only reason that that would establish the precedent of how to pronounce Kansas (Kan-Saw). But then again, that would take reason.

And now, when I think about that girl from college, I don’t think about her smile, or her intoxicating laughter, not even that time after swim practice when we ‘took a dip.’ NO!! All I can think about is Kans’ ass. (By the way, her name was Kans – she was Asian or something.)



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