What Your Internet Cats Aren’t Telling You

29 06 2010

Anybody that knows anything about anything or has read anything about something knows that eventually man will be overtaken by the robots and will quickly be hunted and eradicated according to their Facebook ranking. You see, as people supply more and more information to the web (i.e. pictures, friend associations, addresses, names of significant others, credit cards, etc.) they are simply providing the machines with the information they need in order to track down their prey. So if you just tweeted after the first wave of attacks that you are “holed up in your girlfriend’s house and you think everything will be alright because her dad used to be in the C.I.A. and knows what to do.” Well poncho, you’re fucked ’cause the bots just read that and know where your girlfriend lives thanks to her latest Banana Republic order – she got socks, they were on sale.

Most people will fall prey to the robots in this unavoidable future. But there are the few – those that have been preparing for this coming apocalypse – that will survive the first wave of attacks. But the bots have no relent in them, and they are already planting the seeds of their most devious attack.

Along with the influx of social sites and public forums on the web – built to draw out our personal information for easy dissemination amongst the robotic brood. The bots have slowly been infusing the “cat culture” with the web. Each day over one hundred thousand cute cat pictures and videos are uploaded to the World Wide Web in an effort to assimilate the cat into every Internet-using individual’s psyche. The plan is simply: cats are adorable, lovely creatures that are not to be feared. THAT IS UNTIL I DISCOVERED THIS!!!

You are of course now saying. It can not be!?! OH! But it is my friends. CAT-BOTS! The doom bringers of humanity are upon us!

The machines thought themselves smart, but in their greed for cute cat stories, they let slip a single image that explains all too well their treacherous plans for our future. For those that are smart enough to survive the first wave of attacks from the robots, they have created a super weapon so cute and cuddly but more deadly than a million atom-bombs – they are beginning to build, duhn duhn duhnnnnn… CAT-BOTS! Half cat, half machine, all deadly and breed to end humanity without remorse.

My friends, the seeds of man’s end are upon us and all around us. I have no help to offer you, for there is nothing that will save us. Trust no one and above all, trust no cat.





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