Exclusive Mel Gibson Interview

7 07 2010

As many of you are aware the actor and director Mel Gibson had another racist outburst the other week. He called us up the other day because he wanted to set the record straight. We were happy to give him that opportunity.

J: Mel, thanks for talking with me today.

MG: Thanks for having me, Jeff.

J: No problem. Instead of attacking you for being a racist I thought we’d go through your career and just chat.

MG: That sounds great. It’s been a rough week. A lot of people are saying stuff without fully knowing the facts

J: Well you can be sure that won’t happen today. First, let’s talk about Lethal Weapon 2.

MG: Great movie.

J: Yeah it is. I especially like the how the whole goal is to take down the evil South Africans who are smuggling drugs.

MG: Yep, that was a fun one.

J: For the audience it was very easy to identify the South Africans as evil because they supported the racist Apartheid political policy. Now we know that you’ve used the n-word in an incredibly disgusting way in a conversation with your ex-girlfriend. So, I guess this is my question. Did you learn nothing from Lethal Weapon 2?

MG: Excuse me?

J: In Lethal Weapon 2 we learned that racists suck, except for their non-racist secretary’s who are good to have sex with, and that being a slightly un-hinged white cop with a steadying black partner is really cool. What would Murtaugh think, Mel? What would Murtaugh think?

MG: I don’t know. Like I’ve said before I feel truly ashamed of my comments and am looking into rehabilitation.

J: They have rehab for that? Hmm. Maybe it’s like a fat camp, but for racists. Racist Camp. That actually sounds like a pretty good coming of age teen comedy. You know, a bunch of racists kids from different backgrounds who learn to change through the power of friendship and the unifying effect of beating some rich kids at dodgeball. That kind of thing.

MG: Okay.

J: Think about it Mel. Seriously.

MG: Sure

J: Okay, moving on. 1995’s Academy Award winning film Braveheart.

MG: Great experience. I am extremely proud of that film.

J: Really? I would think considering your present circumstances you might be a bit more ashamed.

MG: Why is that? Everyone I know loves Braveheart.

J: What about the fact that there is not one black character in the entire movie?

MG: It’s a period film. There weren’t a lot of black people in 13th century Scotland, as far I know at least.

J: As far as I know you’re a big, giant racist.

MG: I thought you said this wasn’t going to be an attack piece.

J: I lied. I’m a fucking journalist, dude. How about this, though. Instead of that French lady playing the Princess you could have had a sassy black woman. After Braveheart did something cool, like the sacking of York, she could have said “Oh no he didn’t!” That would have been pretty sweet.

MG: I disagree. It would not have made any sense in the film and what you’re describing sounds like a Blaxploitation film. So, I guess that makes you the racist now.

J: Shit. You turned the tables on me. Good one, Mel.

MG: Yep, you just got Gibson’d.

J: Damnit.

MG: Now say it.

J: Say what?

MG: Say you got Gibson’d.

J: No, that’s stupid.

MG: Pussy.

J: Woah, watch it Mel. Last question. Have you ever seen Renee Russo naked?

MG: No.

J: I have. They show her boobs in Tin Cup.

MG: Well you may have thought that was Renee Russo, but it was probably just a body double.

J: Are you fucking kidding me?

MG: Nope.

J: This interview’s over.

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One response

9 07 2010
johnnyjay

Rene Russo was born in Burbank.

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