Letter from Pete Coors to CCTT

19 07 2010

Pete Coors with George W. Bush at 2009 Beer Technology Conference where the former president was the keynote speaker.  It looks like they had a pretty good time.

Devoted Drinker:
We are saddened to hear that you do not appreciate all the time our Coors Light Scientists have spent making your life easier.  Remember drinking beer ten years ago out of the small little hole in the can? Of course you don’t, but it sucked. That’s when we formed the Coors Institute and blam-o! The wide-mouth can was born.  Remember that air bubble that always popped in your face after slamming a Silver Bullet? Gone, thanks to our patented air vent curved right into the opening!
But there was another problem. You go to the fridge, find an assortment of Coors Light bottles, only you don’t know if they’re cold or not. “I could just touch each one to measure the temperature.”  Give me a break. Fumbling with all those cans is a surefire way to ruin your morning.  Now you can simply see the coldness when those majestic mountains turn blue.
“What if all the beers are still in the box? Did you invent x-ray vision?” Son, we did you one better: Meet the Cold Activation Window. The most technologically advanced development in Cold Beer ever.  “You just cut a hole in the box.” You know what, go to hell.
Pete Coors




One response

19 07 2010
patrick rifle mucha

I tried going on a brewery tour in CO and Pete Coors totally snuck up on me and gave me a wedgie in the lobby. It was really embarrassing. Then I learned they bleach all the bottles before filling them up. Fuck that guy, Pete Coors is a dick.

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