The Runner’s Cancer = Fat-Lady-Walkers:

21 07 2010

I don’t know what it is about fat, older women that makes them think they rule the world, but out on the greenways of America they live as kings.

We’ve all been there. Out on a run, sculpting our ‘situation,’ when you come across two massive women – because it is physically impossible for a fat woman to work out on her own – standing side-by-side and managing to take up the whole path. The natural reaction of all decent people in this situation, is for one of the two side-by-side gigundos to slow and get behind their equally bulbous neighbor and allow the runner to pass. But times have changed and the laws of common decency no longer hold water – only fat bitches do, lots of it (and by the way, when you start Jenny Craig, the reason you ‘lose’ so much weight in the first three weeks is because of water weight.)

So rather than move to the side, or behind their strenuous walking partner, they hold tight, arm to arm, flab to flab, in some kind of fantasy world that they deserve the whole path to themselves or that they’ve earned it for finally working out. Or for eating three Mcgriddles this morning.

When you’re looking down the barrel of fatties, you come to realize how the forces battling Genghis Khan must have felt. “How can I possibly fight these beasts? These unmovable masses, these elephants on a stroll.”  It’s then that you suck it up, furrow your brow and when moving off the path and running through the grass mutter something about F.U.P.A. as you pass.

Oh, and lastly, walking twenty minutes a day doesn’t do shit when you’re a hundred pounds overweight. Just give up and buy yourself a Rascal, at least then you’ll have a place to rest your cell phone.




One response

3 03 2013

Apparently no one has ever read your nasty blog before. No surprise. But the pic is of someone in a fat suit, dodo.

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