Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 1

30 07 2010

I think, therefore I am - The Situation

The first season of JERSEY SHORE was a cultural landmark. It brought people together in ways no one thought possible. In the Fall of 2009 the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan endured abroad while a year long recession continued domestically. That Fall we found our saviors in seven Guidos picked to live in a New Jersey beach house. They showed us how to laugh, love, and creep. It’s now the Summer of 2010. Neither war has ended and the recession still looms over our American conscience. What are we to do? Who will save us? Obama? The Tea Partiers? Me? The answer is simple: JERSEY SHORE Season 2. This time they’re in Miami. This time they’re playing for keeps. Here are some wildly random thoughts on Thursday night’s premiere.

THE EPISODE

We’ve got the same Opening Titles as last season. Why change a good thing.

– “You can’t creep in this weather.” – Pauly D laments the fact that, due to rain, you can’t creep on the ladies. That never stopped Jack the Ripper. Too soon?

– Snooki’s boyfriend is named Emilio. I repeat, Snooki’s boyfriend is named Emilio. She thinks of him as a Gorilla, but he’s only a couple of inches taller than her. Also, he looks like a ninja turtle. A ninja turtle with a chin strap. Guidatello? He probably would have gotten along with Raphael, but Leonardo wouldn’t have put with the whole G,T,L thing.

Emilio

Raphael

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– “I want two…in my face.” – Snooki’s meatball/testicles joke. Fist pump.

– I guess Snooki’s a conservative and doesn’t care for Obama’s tanning tax. Snooki is president in 2012. Vinny’s vice-president. The Situation is Secretary of State. Ronnie’s Secretary of Defense, obviously. Pauly D is Secretary of Education. JWoww is her Chief of Staff because she’s willing to fuck shit up. Angelina’s in jail.

– It’s revealed that Sammi’s single. This could be an awkward…Situation.

– “Get creep.” – Ronnie.

– Vinny’s uncles want him to “bang everything in sight.” I can’t believe people say that family values are dying in America.

– “I think we can take this whole road down to Miami…no joke.” – The Situation tells Pauly D this. Apparently The Situation has no need for directions and, frankly, why would he.

– “I’m glad I got a second shot. Everyone deserves a second chance.” Angelina. Yes, Angelina everyone deserves a second chance to be on the most ridiculous reality program ever.

– I wonder what the owner of the South Carolina fireworks store thought of The Situation and Pauly D when they came into the shop?

Shop Owner: I take it you boys aren’t from around here?

The Situation: Are these from around here? (He then lifts up his tank top and points to his abs.)

– Snooki and JWoww stop in Savannah: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Guido. Wow, these comments are getting ridiculous.

– “Obviously, he fucks his sister for a living.” – Snooki on the Savannah local who tried to pick them up. Snooki’s got a lot to learn about the South. Fucking your sister doesn’t pay well and there are absolutely no benefits.

– Ronnie says he wants to “out do The Situation” this Summer. You’ll have to get up pretty early in the morning, my friend.

– Angelina is really ugly. JWoww and Sammi are actually pretty hot.

– “You need to gain some sort of respect in the house.” – The Situation’s advice to Angelina. The Situation is a modern day Confucius.

– Chris T, who didn’t watch JERSEY SHORE last Fall, thinks that Snooki has lost weight. Maybe she did Chris. Maybe she did.

– Ronnie’s juice getting on Sammi’s clothes seemed completely random and not at all done on purpose.

– Angelina’s also got a terrible body. When she crawled into the hot tub I saw my life flash before my eyes.

– “You wanna take this shit outside!” JWoww to Angelina while on the way to da club. I wish that would have happened. Two Cuban immigrants, freshly arrived on American soil see two Guidettes fighting on a busy street and realize that they have truly arrived in the land of the free.

– “There was a lot of tension in the air. It was so thick you could slice it down the middle.” – The Situation on the Ronnie and Sammy tension. Way to sum up the…Situation. It reminds me of the time it was really hot outside and I said, “It’s really hot outside. Hot enough to fry an egg.”

– Ronnie: You won’t win this battle. Just so you know. You will not win this battle.

Sammy: What battle?

Ronnie: You are being a fucking cunt.

Greatest conversation ever?

– “His name is Ronnie, but you can probably call him Sloppy Joe.” – The Situation on Ronnie’s drunken behavior at da club.

– Sammy still has feelings for Ronnie. Apparently she didn’t see Sloppy Joe having a make out threesome with a Grenade and a Land Mine.

– Sammy sleeps in sunglasses. We have yet to discover if that is something she always does or something that she only does when she is upset.

That’s it. If, for some reason, you read this entire post I thank you and apologize for its length and randomness. It’s going to be a great August and September.

 

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3 responses

30 07 2010
Tricia

Love it!

30 07 2010
Tyler

Well said guys. Although I am a little disappointed there isn’t mention of Snooki’s reference to the Pilgrims of the roaring 20’s.

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