Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 2

6 08 2010

Angelina doing a really cool pose.

Spoiler Alert. Tonight’s episode was possibly the most dramatic episode of television I’ve ever seen in my life. Ronnie v Sammy. Pauly v Angelina. Snooki v Angelina. JWoww v Angelina. Angelina v Angelina. Now, my random thoughts.

THE EPISODE

– “Someone just grabbed my ass…I think it was The Situation” – Anonymous. Tonight’s episode began as last week’s episode ended, but they graciously filled us in with some more details.

– “I did mad work tonight.” – Ronnie. Whose idea of “mad work” is sloppily having a three-way kiss with two Grenades. Check that, two Land Mines.

– How about that really lame song they played when the cast was waking up the next morning.  One lyric was, “no matter where we go, we make it home.” I wish Ronnie had woken up on the beach somewhere, but still had that song in the background.

– So Pauly is best friends with a guy named Big Mike. I think they need to bring Big Mike in for a weekend trip. Big Mike gets drunk and bangs Snooki. In the morning Snooki says in the confessional that she got “Big Miked last night.”

– “I had a Snooki night.” Ronnie on his drunkenness. He pronounces her name “Shnooki.”

– “I.F.F. I’m Fucking Fucked. He’s the president and a client.” Pauly D on Ronnie’s current….Situation. Pauly D’s actually pretty clever.

– “I don’t know why he slept in my bed.” Sammy on Ronnie sleeping in her bed. Sammy, I have your answer. His name is Ronnie an he’s not only the President of I.F.F., he’s also a client.

– “He was a little…uh…drunk.” The Situation to Sammy on Ronnie’s night at the club.  This was the first of several classic moments of Situation trying to fuck people over.

– The guys all went somewhere in a SUV. They all wore black tank tops. That is all.

– “I’m going to deny, deny, deny until Angelina says something and WWIII breaks out.” Ronnie on the inevitability of Angelina blowing his cover. Ronnie, we need new leadership in Afghanistan and we think you’re the man for the job. You have the lowest center of gravity of any human being on earth and you clearly know a shit ton about strategy.

You heard me Osama. Ronnie's coming for you!

This is how we do it at The Shore, Osama.

– “We’re going to cook some chicken, steak, and possibly pasta.” The Situation. Why is he still their main chef? Don’t they remember what happened in Season 1? The Situation throws Bulls Eye on some chicken and then demands to be treated like royalty for the rest of the day. Allowing The Situation to cook is like playing with fire, one of those troublesome grease fires. It’s hot, explosive, and will destroy anything in its path.

– “Watch when you open that fridge, dude, that meat don’t fall all somebody that be fucking funny as hell.” The Situation after he packed their refrigerator to the brink of explosion. It seemed like The Situation had just popped a vallum at this point. Later in the episode JWoww appeared similarly fucked up on pills. D.A.R.E.

– “Pick the shit up, Dawg.” The Situation in reference to the fallen chicken. No chicken left behind. Maybe The Situation could be useful in Afghanistan as well.

– “I’m teaching you how to be a woman.” Vinny on helping Snooki learn how to clean. This was one of the cooler things Vinny has ever said.

– “I was on stage motor boating the jello shot girls.” Ronnie on what he was doing last night. That’s not what I saw Ronnie. I saw you group necking with girls who would make ugly transvestites.

– “I see your booobies!” Snookie.

– JWoww’s best friends are J42o, Joey Yanks, and Bill.  The first two seem like upstanding members of society, but I’m not so sure about this Bill character.

– “It’s like Rocky vs. Apollo. Rocky doesn’t have a shot right now.” The Situation on a potential Angelina v JWoww brawl. Here’s the problem with The Situation’s argument. Apollo Creed (JWoww) was victorious against Rocky, but Rocky put up a really, really good effort. The Situation thinks that Angelina would get her ass kicked by JWoww. Rocky would only be a good comparison if he thought Angelina was going to hold her own against JWoww and get a moral victory. A better example would have been Adam Goldberg’s character getting the shit beat out of him in Dazed and Confused.

– “We’re promoting a grenade free America.” – Pauly D. I’m glad someone’s taking a little initiative in this country. God bless you, Pauly D.

– “I love you so much and that’s my downfall. That I love you so fucking much.” – Ronnie on the problem with loving Sammy. They really are like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet. Maybe we can get Leo and Claire Danes to play them in a film, but instead of it being set in modern times we’d reverse the shit and actually set the Ronnie and Sammy movie in fair Verona.

– “We’re not Zack and Kelly. It’s fucking weird.” Ronnie on their relationship. Clearly, Ronnie never saw the episode of SAVED BY THE BELL where Zack had to tell Kelly that her college aged boyfriend, Jeff, was cheating on her. Now that was fucking weird!

– Seriously? Do they need jobs?

– Ronnie is really upset after all the fighting. What will calm him down? A tattoo of two hands clasped in prayer. I get pretty upset sometimes. Maybe I should look into that.

– “I think a lot of girls like both now a days so it’s not really surprising.” Pauly D on Angelina dancing with a female. Pauly, I heard there’s an Associate Professor of Sociology position available at Rutgers. Are you interested?

– “You okay baby? What are you crying about baby? Tell me what’s up. (THEN) You know what. I know I got tenders in here dawg. You want some tenders?” – The Situation. He’s a man’s man and a lady’s man. He’s sensitive enough to ask Angelina why she’s crying and manly enough to suggest that Pauly and him have some late night Chicken Tenders.

– “I’m going to step off now.” The Situation on leaving Pauly D and Angelina alone to sort out their differences. That’s classic Situation, but I hope he doesn’t forget about the Tenders.

– “Are you touching me!…You don’t have me and you don’t have Situation. So what do you have? No one.” Pauly D to Angelina. A powerful ending to a powerful episode.

That’s all folks. Next week is shaping up nicely. Hopefully, they begin the episode with Pauly and Situation eating those Tenders and talking about how crazy Angelina is.

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One response

6 08 2010
Hendo

Great Recap. I like to try and get on the same level as the cast when I watch so this really helped me recall the events of ep 2.

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