Failed “bro” Related Phrases

11 08 2010

Over the past four years the term “bro” has become more mainstream and more accepted. Its power has been wielded for forces both good (JERSEY SHORE, Bros Icing Bros) and evil (the term “bro-mance”).  CCTT has compiled a list of “bro” terms that, for a variety of reasons, were never able to gain any significant traction:

Benjamin Franklin knew the pain of a failed "bro" phrase. He wanted America to be called The Bro-nited States of Bro-merica. It didn't take.

Broner – A “broner” occurs when one bro witnesses another bro doing something truly awesome.  The viewing bro then becomes aroused and admits to the awesome bro that he has a broner.

Bro-xample: Your roommate comes home and tells you that he just slept with a really hot girl.  When you ask if he plans on seeing her again he casually informs you that he, “can’t be tied down.” Welcome to Bronerville. Population: You.

Brahblems: The main issue was not the actual term “broner,” but with the fact that bros around the country were ashamed to admit that another dude’s actions were giving them erections.  Shame and embarrassment followed many a broner, which led to its lack of recognition.

Bromophobia – This has become a pretty serious problem. Bros are now subjected to hatred and fear because they kick too much ass. The main culprits tend to be hipsters, foreigners, and women.

Bro-xample: You’re walking to your local bar at 3 in the afternoon when a young man in skinny jeans hands you a leaflet. Without reading this leaflet, which was probably for some sort of “cause,” you throw it in the trash. The leaflet guy chases you down and berates you for not caring about the environment or something to that effect. He then says that you’re what is wrong with America and that you probably don’t even vote. You continue on to the bar, but are slightly shaken because you’ve just had your first encounter with Bromophobia. You’ve met your first Bromophobe.

Brahblems: This never took off amongst bros because they knew that if they cried out against bromophobia they’d be no better than their liberal accusers. The weak make excuses while the bros remain strong and continue on with bro related activities.

"Hi, my name's Trevor and I'm a bromophobe. I also ironically subscribe to Maxim. I need help."

Brobama – During the months preceding the 2008 election, bros around the country pretended to support President Obama. They referred to him as “Brobama” and used their new found sensitivity to sleep with impressionable college students. They also thought about using “Bro Biden,” but realized that it would have been plain stupid.

Bro-xample: You’re at a bar and you overhear a sophomore girl (Anthropology major) talking about how much good Obama will do for this country. You strike up a conversation about how you agree with her and how W ruined this country. You end up taking her back for the late night. You see a fellow bro as y’all head home together. You wink at him and say, “Brobama.”

Brahblems: About six months after Obama took office bros realized that he was no longer helping them get laid so they dropped all fake support. They now sleep with Tea Party girls, but have yet to come up with a good “bro” related tea party phrase. This shit’s not easy.

Bropression – This is when a fellow bro is acting out of sorts. He’s no longer getting fucked up. He has a sever case of bropression.

Bro-xample: Your bro Trip totaled his Yukon, drunk of course, and is now driving a rental Toyota Camry. He refuses to go to the bar. He won’t smoke pot. There’s even talk of him not seeing The Expendables. His bropression is quite severe.

Brahblems: Bropression does not roll off the tongue very well. It sounds like a prescribed medication for male pattern baldness. Also, bros don’t get depressed. They get drunk.

North BrahkotaThis is just a really cool way to say North Dakota.

Bro-xample: “Dude, where are y’all going for Spring Break?” “What the fuck do you think? North Brah-kota.”

Brahblems: “North Brah-kota” had a very short shelf life. Nobody wants to go to North Dakota or talk about North Dakota. Bros didn’t like it or understand it. Frankly, some of them had never even heard of North Dakota, which severely hurt the chances of “North Brah-kota” succeeding. They also didn’t like “Io-brah” for Iowa

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