Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 4

20 08 2010

Dramatic Irony– When the words and actions of the characters of a work of literature have a different meaning for the reader than they do for the characters. This is the result of the reader having a greater knowledge than the characters themselves.

Example: The JERSEY SHORE viewers knowledge that Ronnie is out motor boating cocktail waitresses when Sammi, Ronnie’s girlfriend, is unaware.



The Episode

– “Pretty much say you’re getting punked.” The Situation on Sammi getting completely fooled by Ronnie. If PUNK’d was to get rebooted I think The Situation would be the perfect host. He’s got a great personality and he can really think on his feet (see Episode 3 when he spear-headed a plan to run away from Angelina and go to the club when she had her back turned).

– “That’s why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.” Snooki on Emilio, and all men, not knowing how to deal with women. Along with Pauly D, Snooki is another JS member who should consider a future in sociology. Her first book could be called “The Rise of Dykes in America: Women who Love Other Women Because of Stupid Guido Boyfriends.” She thought of that title herself.

– “I fucked this girl tonight…I’m being honest…this girl fucked me…I’m just kidding.” Emilio, the quintessential prankster, to Snookie on the phone. He was wasted and thought this would be a good idea. Upon hearing this Snooki gave a blood curdling scream. We’ve all seen this moment before.

– Sammi, Snooki, and JWoww broke a bunch of plates outside. Take that men!

– “Fuck Guyyys!” Snookie and Sammi to the camera. During this JWoww came up behind them and stood. Only her giant, fake breasts were in the frame. From this day forth JWoww’s breasts will be referred to as “The Ninth Roommate.”

The Ninth Roommate

– “Don’t point at me like that.” Ronnie, while pretending to sleep, to Sammi when she did a shooting gun hand motion at him. Ronnie takes gun control very seriously. To Ronnie, the only gun worth using is the kind you get using steroids.

– “It’s like beating a dead horse. And if the horse is dead just leave it alone.” Ronnie on the fighting. Whenever any JS member, who isn’t Vinny, tries to use any form of rhetoric it comes off completely ridiculous. (See The Situation in Episode 1 referring to the tension between Ronnie and Sammi with, “It was so thick you could slice it down the middle.”)

– “Spicy mayo…I’m allergic to pecans some times.” JWoww to Sammi. She was trying to avoid telling Sammi that she knew anything about Ronnie’s philandering. After JS ends she might consider becoming a CIA field operative. Evil Guy: We know you know our plans. JWoww: Uh, no. No. I’m just allergic to shell fish.

– The Situation takes on the cooking responsibilities again. This is really getting frustrating. It always end in a disaster. This time they ended up eating the most depressing pasta dish ever. They probably used Ragu.

– Angelina said that it was funny when Ronnie was dancing with some blond girl. Everyone got quiet and Ronnie gave her a Joey Gladstone-esque “Cut, It, Out” hand gesture. It worked, kind of.

Ronnie's hero

– “I think Victoria should have kept that a secret.” Vinny on Angelina’s awful, “garbage bag” dress. Vinny’s right. About the dress? About everything.

– “No…well yeah. Everyone’s cheated before.” Ronnie to the group when the not planted “Have you ever cheated” card was pulled out during their game.

– “I’m eating chocolate chip cookies every night, dawg!” The Situation.

– “He’s ruining me.” Sammi to the camera. It then moves to Ronnie laying shirtless on top of her while she stares reflectively into the distance.

– “We’ll type an anonymous letter. It’s a genius idea.” JWoww on their plan to type an anonymous letter that explains Ronnie’s cheating ways. I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. I once wrote an anonymous letter to a girlfriend explaining that she probably had herpes. I was the only guy she’d been with so she quickly realized that I had written the letter and given her the herpes. Things sort of fizzled out after that. Don’t do it JWoww.

– Angelina ripped a really smelly fart walking down the street. So bad, in fact, that Snooki had to run ahead to avoid its linger. I’m not surprised that she rips it up. Angelina does nothing but drink, eat, and wear clothes that are much too tight for her body. That’s a bad combination or a bad…Situation.

– “You will never find someone like me.” Sammi to Ronnie. What she really means is that Ronnie will be able find another girl just like her, but just not one who played college soccer. Sammi played midfield at William Patterson University.

– Sammi put a vomit pan beside Ronnie’s bed in case he got queasy during the night. What if she woke up in the morning to find a giant Ronnie turd in the pan. “Ronnie! This was a vomit pan, not a bed pan for your poop!.” I know. I’ve got a lot of problems.

– “I’m happier with Ron than not with Ron.” Sammi is really, really stupid.

– “I’m in Miami. I don’t want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick.” Vinny on the law students who came into the gelato shop. Apparently, he’s looking for a medical student focusing on urology.

– “And put his head inbetween a cocktail waitresses’ breasts.” An excerpt from The Letter. They decided to go with “breasts” so Sammi wouldn’t know who it was from. They figured using “tits” would be a dead give away. Genius.

Episode 4 was pretty strong. Our main complaint is that the girls aren’t hooking up at all. Hopefully, that will change with Snooki and Sammi (probably) being single soon. Also, we’ve decided that the girls should have a feminine (sexist on our part) term for male Grenades. A guy whose ugly or isn’t a big enough juice head. They will be called “Burnt Casseroles.” Snooki would get teased for hooking up with a Burnt Casserole at the club.

Also this episode appears to be Emilio’s swan song. If you remember we compared Emilio to a Ninja Turtle in our first review. We thought it only fair that we give him a proper send off.

Sammi still doesn’t know that Ronnie’s messing around. Let’s have Alanis Morissette (who dated Dave Coullier aka Joey Gladstone) sum this episode up in the only way she knows how.




2 responses

20 08 2010

If Crank Yankers comes back they should hit up Emilio for some material. Also it woulda been great if Ronnie had face planted into the pan that was set aside by Sammi instead the corner of the closet.

20 08 2010

Just imagine what Emilio’s puppet would look like.

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