Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 5

27 08 2010

“It takes two to write a letter as much as it takes two to make a quarrel.” – Elizabeth Drew 

I have no idea who Elizabeth Drew is, but it’s clear that she knows more about the JERSEY SHORE than any of us. 

Elizabeth Drew

 The Episode 

– “It’s anonymous and it’s printed and that’s it.” JWoww on the letter her and Snooki wrote to Sammi. This the first of several “YOU’RE ON TV” moments of the episode. JWoww, you are being filmed at all times of the day. Nothing you do is remotely anonymous. It should be obvious to Sammi who wrote it and if, for some reason, it’s not she’ll know in a couple months when she watches the episodes. 

– The Ninth Roommate (JWoww’s fake breasts) stretch out. JWoww pushed her boobs up and down while staring at the mirror for a solid minute. You’re welcome, America. 

– “That’s love.” JWoww on two gay guys making out. 

– “Aww, we’re all friends forever.” The Situation to some girls he eventually took home. Reminds me of these friends. And thanks to “fgarza4” for taking the time to record this scene off TBS HD. The quality shows. 

 – “They’re not attracted to vagina. They’re attracted to cock.” Snooki to Emilio on what attracts gay men. It also doubled for her go to argument when defending Prop 8. The Prop 8 people have yet to get back to her. 

– “I don’t want to hear about gay guys making out, whatever.” Emilio to Snooki on him not wanting to hear about her night out. This quote pretty much ended their relationship. Emilio will not be speaking at a gay pride rally anytime soon. Oh, excuse me a “Gay Parade.” JWoww let us know earlier that it’s a “Gay Parade.” 

– “We’ll be right back. We’ve got to tell Vinny what’s up.” The Situation on why him and Pauly D had to leave their two girls, one of whom was a Hippopotamus, and go to talk to Vinny. I love how it takes two of them to tell one person “what’s up.” 

– “And I will extract the hot one and leave the grenade to explode in Ronnie’s room by herself.” The Situation to Pauly D and Vinny. That is “what’s up.” 

"All right. We've got a hippopotamus in the bedroom. I'm just going to leave her there and turn off the light. That's the plan."

– “I don’t know if you want to touch that hand.” Vinny to JWoww the morning after all the guys finally got some action. I was proud of them all. 

– “Please hit the fucking Treadmill. Please…hit the Elliptical. It’s better for you.” The Situation to Angelina after Angelina refused to clean. Just like me, whenever The Situation wants a girl to clean he tells her she’s fat. The Situation then told her she was excluded from their dinner.– “This is the worst thing that could ever happen.” Snooki to JWoww on her break up with Emilio. Apparently, Snooki has never seen or spoken with Emilio. 

Oh, I guess she has.

– After Snooki said the above, she and JWoww hugged each other in the middle of a right turn lane. In downtown Miami. During the middle of the day. After this they went to commercial. Usually they do a “coming up on JS” preview, but the producers’ decided to refrain on this occasion. It would have been in such poor taste to even talk about the future when Snooki was so distraught. We applaud their decency. 

– “I’m definitely a sensitive dude.” The Situation on why he apologized to Angelina even though he was actually in the right. CCTT member Dan pointed out that JERSEY SHORE generally reflects that guy’s are much better at dealing with insignificant arguments than women. Angelina would have held out longer. She would have just sat on that couch with her sunglasses on for a solid week. 

– Snooki and JWoww put the note in Sammi’s drawer. That’s another “YOU’RE ON TV” moment. “Sammi will never know it was us.” High five! 

– What was The Situation wearing when they walked to work in the rain? Red sweat pants and a weird red hoodie with a number 58 on it. At first we thought it was related to NASCAR, but now we think it was made by some guy named Christian Audigier. We wish it was NASCAR. 

– Sammy confronts everyone about the letter/note. Since every single person knew except her it made things very awkward. 

– “She’s fucking bugging out.” Vinny whispers to Ronnie on Sammi finding the letter. Even when they whisper they use the F word. Also, later in the episode Sammi admitted to “bugging out,” which proved Vinny’s diagnosis. 

– “I see the word ‘wisely’ and I know Snooki doesn’t use that kind of vocabulary.” Ronnie on why he thinks JWoww was definitely behind the letter. He said he wasn’t college material last week, but I’m not so sure anymore. 

– “I got a girls number! I got a girls number!” Ronnie to Sammi. Ronnie, you’re on TV. If she did believe you what would be your explanation in four months when she watched the episode? 

– “Did you leave me a note?…No…No” Sammi to Snooki and JWoww on if they left her the letter. You’re on TV. 

– “Why would you laugh?…Multiple fat women. It’s the truth. If it’s on paper it’s true.” Sammi and The Situation. I loved how The Situation thought the note was the funniest thing in the world. After being the bigger man to Angelina he’s already back to being Situation Classic while Sammi’s world crumbles around her. 

– “Make up your mind, bro. Make up your mind.” Ronnie to Sammi on if they were going to stay together. She referred to him as “bro” earlier in their conversation. I always thought a couple that said “bro” together stayed together. I guess not. 

Tonight’s episode was all about “The Letter.” It reminded me of The Scarlett Letter and the possibility of Ronnie having to wear an “A” on his chest. Instead of a stitched on red-letter, Ronnie would have gotten a tattoo of an “A” on his chest. Naturally, he would use the most guido font he could find. 

In honor of Sammi’s discovery I’ve attached a live version of the Gin Blossom’s “Found About You.” If you watch the video you’ll see that they still have fans that aren’t me. 

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