Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 6

3 09 2010

We all knew the Sammi/JWoww fight was coming. We had a week to think about it and like many of you I spent several sleepless nights ruminating on this eventuality. Sadly, we had to wait fifty-eight minutes for their fight. Fortunately, our JS friends provided enough entertainment to carry us through to the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World.”

The Episode

– We began with Snooki and Angelina wearing Sombrero hats for some reason. Snooki then tried to chug a beer only to find that it was full of cigarette butts. She then went to throw up in the patio corner, which would have revealed her butt/thong if it hadn’t been blurred out. At first I was glad that it was blurred, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe I do want to see Snooki’s ass. We live in crazy times.

– Snooki went into Vinny’s bedroom to ‘snuggle.’ When they woke up in the morning Vinny’s hand rested on one of Snooki’s fake breasts. He pulled the classic, ‘pass out with your hand on the fake boob’ routine. Snooki later revealed that she and Vinny had intercourse. She also mentioned that Vinny was hung like a watermelon. Good for Vinny. He seems like a nice guy. A girl once told me that I was, “hung like a watermelon…slice from a pre-made HarisTeeter fruit salad.”

– JWoww has a crucifix belly button ring. “If you follow The Lord it will lead you straight down into JWoww’s vag.” -Jeff:12:34

– “I’ll be flipping pancakes while people are punching themselves in the face.” The Situation on how he acts when altercations/drama don’t involve him. The Situation would have done well in World War II Switzerland. “What’s going in Germany and Poland? Shit. Don’t involve me, bro. I’ll be in The Alps, flipping pancakes.”

“You’re a naive beast. You’re a naive bitch while your man’s putting his dick in other bitches.” JWoww to Sammi during their first argument of the episode. We loved how JWoww first called her a “naive beast” only to correct herself a second later. Also, we loved the cuts to The Situation’s face during this entire scene. He made a face that was half “Whoa!” and half amusement. It’s the kind of face that only The Situation is capable of making and that only his audience is capable of appreciating.

The Naive Beast

-“I’m shady?” Ronnie asks this of Sammi after she declared that their entire house was shady. Ronnie, you are beyond shady. You motor boat bitches while the girl you supposedly love sleeps. You make Tiger Woods look discreet.

– “The only thing I can do is give her her space and hope that will bring us together.” Ronnie on why giving Sammi space will eventually bring them closer together. It worked and it only took an hour and a half. Later that night they slept together. Ronnie knows women.– Vinny goes to an optometrist on the JERSEY SHORE medical plan. Pauly D kept on saying to the doctors that Vinny had pink eye. He even told them that, “He has a history with pink eye.” We really like that.

– Angelina would date a guy named Jose’.

– The Situation Carbo-loading before sex was absolutely spectacular. A series highlight for me.

– “You straight? So yeah, um, I got a taxi for you baby.” The Situation told this to the girl he just smushed as she rubbed his stomach. The Situation doing this was good, but the fact that the girl acted like he was chivalry incarnate was great. “Thanks for kicking me out of the smush room, Mike. You’re soo sweet!”

– The Smush Room. This was the first I’d ever heard of it and I have no idea why it took six episodes for The Smush Room’s revealing.

– JWoww and Snooki went to The Italian-American Supermarket. Yes, there’s a grocery store called The Italian American Supermarket. I heard there was a Terrorist-American Supermarket opening near Ground Zero. Topical.

– “What the fuck is a quart?” Snooki asked this to JWoww. That’s understandable, though. She’s used to dealing in metric units. My boyfriend uses three liters of hair gel a month, the doctor had to take three millilitres of sperm out of my eye, etc…”What the fuck is a quart?” also reminded us of Dave Chapelle’s classic, “What the fuck is juice?” routine.

– “How does it feel/to not cook this meal” Pauly D to The Situation after the girls cooked everyone’s dinner. He was playing on the lyrics to the New Order song, “Blue Monday.” Orgy also covered it in the 90s so it’s hard to tell what version Pauly knows. It’s possible that he knows both and it’s also possible that he only knows the Orgy version because their band was named Orgy.

– “I’m kind of bonding with Angelina.” Sammi on her becoming closer with Angelina after all the shit went down. That’s just sad.

– Pauly D shaved Vinny’s neck so he would look sharp for the arrival of The Situation’s sister. Vinny hooked up with her in Season 1. We’re looking for a repeat.

The Situation, Jr.

– “I can see Angelina’s kook-ah in the mirror.” Pauly D on seeing Angelina’s vag in the mirror. Foreshadowing?

– “That’s the first time that had ever happened.” The Situation on his Tranny Surprise. We seriously doubt that was the first time The Situation has ever hit on a tranny. The dude is like 40 years old and has been going to clubs for 20 years. We’re setting the over/under for Situation Tranny Surprises at 7.

– Pauly D made out with Angelina in the back of a cab. We all screamed, “Noooooooo!” when this happened.

– “Pauly D is so drunk that he’d hook up with me.” Vinny on a drunk Pauly D. If Snooki tells Pauly about the watermelon in Vinny’s trousers I’m sure he’d be down for that.

– JWoww’s “me kill now” face after Vinny told her about Angelina’s shit talking was scary. She looked like a drunk, sweaty Frankenstein with fake breasts.

– “You think you’re big and bad. Step up! You Jersey trash.” JWoww to Sammi. She talks shit like Muhammad Ali, but with fake breasts.

– “If you know something tell me. If you know something tell me. If you know something tell me.” JWoww repeated that like it was a rap. I can’t wait to see someone put that into some sort of weird re-mix thing. I also can’t wait to see JWoww’s fake breasts.

– “Noo, noo, noo!” Angelina yelled this as the Sammi/JWoww fight broke out. We thought it was super lame. It was almost as lame as how easily she was pushed back by Sammi so she could get up and punch JWoww.

– The Shot Heard ‘Round the World. We watched it six or seven times. We needed to see if Sammi actually connected. We examined like one would the Zapruder film and concluded that she did indeed make solid contact.

On a personal note, I got incredibly angry when my roommates told me that JWoww, Snooki, and Sammi all shared one room. For some reason I was under the impression that Sammi had her own room. I got so mad that I threw down my notebook. The notebook broke and I felt incredibly stupid for flipping out over JS details. But maybe that’s what makes me so great/stupid/pathetic/handsome/insane.

We look forward to seeing the aftermath of the punch. Here’s to hoping it connected. See you next time.

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2 responses

4 09 2010
Maria Tergliafera

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