CCTT Predicts the Plots of Movies on Lifetime

9 09 2010

Taking only the info from Direct TV we will predict the plot of 4 upcoming movies on Lifetime.

1) Making Mr. Right – Comedy, Romance. 2008. Dean Cain. A magazine editor bets that she can transform a scruffy man into a handsome, mannerly bachelor.

A scene from Making Mr. Right

Plot: First off, this movie stars Dean Cain. Dean “Fucking” Cain. Instead of plot speculation I should probably just watch it, but I don’t see that happening so let’s predict. The movie begins with an attractive female magazine editor whose single and not happy about it. She’s out having drinks and sees Dean Cain across the bar. Time stops. She thinks he’s really good looking and approaches him only to find out that he’s an uncouth oaf! He burps and scratches his butt. It’s disgusting. She tells her friend about this hunky heathen who then bets her that she can’t turn Dean Cain into a gentleman. Our magazine editor accepts the bet and goes to work. She changes Dean Cain a little at first, possibly by teaching him to tie a tie or maybe they go out to eat and Dean Cain puts his napkin in his lap without being asked. After this a montage will hit of Dean and the magazine editor running around New York City while Dean Cain behaves like a gentleman. He does stuff like open doors for old ladies while a song by Kelly Clarkson plays. Eventually, the two will fall in love only to separate when Dean Cain finds out about the bet. Somehow the magazine editor will win Dean Cain back, possibly by doing something uncouth herself. We’ll say that she burps in front of him and Dean Cain then realizes that she’s not so bad after all. They kiss and the movie ends.

Scene: Dean Cain confronts the magazine editor about the bet.

Dean Cain: A bet? Are you serious? A bet?

Magazine Editor: The bet was before all of this. The bet has nothing to do with our life.

Dean Cain: I have no life!

2) As Good as Dead– Suspense. 1995. Crystal Bernard, Judge Reinhold, Traci Lords. Young Texan finds her life’s in danger in LA.

movie poster

Plot: This another movie I’d be interested in watching. Think about this cast: Crystal Bernard (WINGS), Judge Reinhold (Beverly Hills Cop, Vice Versa, an episode of SEINFELD), and Traci Lords (some video about bulimia that they showed in my ninth grade health class). Now to the movie. Crystal Bernard moves to Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting. She’s sweet and hard working and gets a job working the late shift at a Los Angeles diner. Her best customer, Judge Reinhold, develops an unhealthy obsession with her, though Crystal Bernard doesn’t realize it. He starts calling her at home, which freaks her out. Her roommate Tracy Lords is scared too, but doesn’t really do anything to help. Finally, Reinhold tries to attack her at home only to be killed by Mr. Johnson. The kindly, old neighbor who helped Crystal Bernard move in at the beginning of the movie.

Scene: Judge Reinhold has called Crystal Bernard at home.

Judge Reinhold (On Phone): You missed your shift today?

Crystal Bernard: How do you know that?

Judge Reinhold (On Phone): Because you haven’t left your apartment. I’ve been watching for your from across the street all day.

Crystal Bernard: Ahhhhh!

Traci Lords comes out of her room.

Traci Lords: Can you keep it down!? I’m trying to have an eating disorder in here!

3) I Me Wed. Comedy, Romance. 2007. Erica Durance. A succesful woman becomes a media sensation when she tries to marry herself.

Erica Durance, star of I Me We

Plot: After several years of her boyfriend not fully committing to their relationship, Erica Durance decides the only way to get married will be to marry herself. She somehow finds a loop-hole that allows this and decides to go ahead with the ceremony. Her boyfriend is so upset that he leaves her forever. Her Dad is somewhat upset by her self-wedding, but her Mom, who has Dementia, is absolutely thrilled. She hires a male wedding planner who she assumes (ass out of u and me) will be gay. He is not gay and they slowly fall in love during the course of their wedding planning. As a surprise to the press, her friends, and her family she marries the wedding planner. It’s the dumbest movie ever.

Scene: She tells her parents that she’s marrying herself.

Erica: Mom and Dad. I have an announcement. In three months. I’m getting married–

Dad: Wooh!

Erica: To myself.

Dad: What? You can’t marry yourself? (THEN) Did you join one of those cults?

Mom: Well I think it’s about time she settled down.

Dad: Didn’t you hear? She’s marrying herself.

Mom: Sounds good to me.

The Mom gets up and walks out of the room. The Dad scowls and Erica smiles.

4) Dead Before Dawn. 1993. Docudrama. Cheryl Ladd. The FBI asks a Texas mother to fake her own death in order to trap her husband who wants her dead.

movie poster

Plot: Cheryl Ladd, who was in CHARLIE’S ANGELS, realizes that her husband is trying to kill her. She goes to the FBI to see what can be done. For some reason, the only idea the FBI can think of is Cheryl Ladd faking her own death, which should lead to her estranged/crazy husband coming out of hiding. The FBI crashes her car on purpose and it’s reported that she died. Her kids, which are unaware of the plan, are sent to live with their kind, but ill equipped grand parents. After the staged car crash, Cheryl Ladd has to go hide out with a really hunky FBI agent. He’s divorced and loves his son. They bond over a glass of wine and end up having sex. They wake up the next morning only to hear that her husband has kidnapped her kids! They have to come out of hiding now to find the evil husband. She knows how his mind works and helps the FBI track him to his favorite BBQ joint outside of Houston. It’s the only place he cares about anymore. The hunky FBI dude ends up killing the evil husband in a stand off. We assume that they live happily ever after.

Scene: Cheryl Ladd wakes up in the morning only to find out that her evil husband has kidnapped her children. It’s the morning after the sex with the hunky FBI agent.

Cheryl Ladd walks out of her bedroom wearing a man’s tee-shirt as pajamas.

Cheryl Ladd: Last night was incredible.

Hunky FBI Agent: Yeah, it was.

Cheryl Ladd: Is something wrong?

Hunky FBI Agent: It’s your kids. He’s got them.

Cheryl Ladd: Nooooo!

You can view these movies on the Lifetime Move Network. They re-run everything, constantly. If you end up watching one let us know if we were close and now for your viewing and listening pleasure here’s Dead Before Dawn‘s own Cheryl Ladd singing “Mamas Don’t Let Your Baby’s Grow Up To Be Cowboys” with Waylon Jennings.




One response

21 06 2013

Hello, you used to write great, however the last couple of posts have been kinda dull… I miss your great writings. Past a number of posts are just a little from track! come on!

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