Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 7

10 09 2010

Officially this episode was called “Sleeping With the Enemy.” That title could be taken in a variety of ways; Sammi getting back together with Ronnie, Vinny sleeping with Angelina, or Snooki sleeping with a guy who agrees to go home with her and then immediately wants to make tacos upon arrival. It probably should have been called “The Fossil Watch,” which sounds like the title of a really bad crime novel. It was a fantastic episode regardless.

The Episode

– They began with the leftovers of Sammi and JWoww’s fight. This was fast and confusing, but it did provide one truly great moment. Sammi tasted the blood off her finger in a similar fashion to Chong Li in Bloodsport. The blood tasting begins at :58, but I encourage you to watch the entire video. Ray Jackson, the crazy American, thinks he has Chong Li beaten after several blows, which is similar to Sammi suggesting that she “beat JWoww’s ass” even though she only got in one good punch. “Jackson! Jackson!” or “Sammi! Sammi!” Enjoy.

– At one point during the argument Ronnie makes a giant, Scooby Doo style sandwich, the kind of thing that Scooby and Shaggy would make when they were sent off alone to track down a killer. Sadly, it turned out that he was making several sandwiches for a couple of people in the house and not just himself.

– Another great moment was JWoww walking back into the house and Vinny scurrying away from her like a frightened cat.

– “Is there any more turkey sangwich?” Pauly on if there were any more turkey sangwiches. He was hungry and he wanted a sangwich.

If only "sangwich" was written in sparkly, cursive letters. If only.

– “How does it feel to get the crap beat out of you?” Sammi, rhetorically to the camera. Sammi, again, you did not beat the crap out of anyone.

– We liked how Vinny and Pauly introduced themselves as Ronnie and The Situation to girls on the beach. That turned out the quite clever because, according to Pauly, they met a girl with, “the biggest herpe I’ve ever seen in my life.” I’ve never heard “herpes” used in the singular, only the plural. She had herpes? No, she had herpe. Just one.

– We finally meet Angelina’s new squeeze Jose. He comes to the gelato shop in a suit and presents her with a brand new Fossil watch. Angelina was considerably more excited and proud than the Fossil watch deserved. Also, I think Jose looks like a Hispanic version of the Utah Jazz point guard Deron Williams. D Will probably gives his Road Beef a better gift than a Fossil watch, though. Actually, in this situation Jose is Angelina’s Road Beef because she’s the visitor to Miami. Jose is getting screwed, not literally of course, on all fronts.

Jose? Oh, nah. It's just D Will.

– Side Bar. Once two friends of mine were having an argument on a couch. Somehow it turned to watches. Guy 1 said, “Since when have Fossil watches been cool?” Guy 2 responded with, “It’s a Seyco you fucking animal!” Sadly, I can totally see this conversation taking place on JS.

– “Ron’s not like too romantic.” I beg to differ, Sammi.

– Sammi: Smush? Ronnie: Oh, we’ll smush later. Sammi: Can We?

– “Aw, dope, that’s nice.” Pauly on Angelina’s brand spanking new Fossil watch. Translation: You do know it’s a Fossil you fucking animal?

– “Ronnie don’t you think Angelina should let that dude hit that?” Pauly on how the Fossil watch should equal sex for Jose.

– “High School, Kindergarten, Pre-historic shit.” The Situation on the drama that occurred earlier in the week. I hate to disagree with The Situation, but I’m sure cavemen had similar arguments to the Sammi/JWoww/Snooki/Vinny/Angelina shit. The main difference being that the cavemen’s argument would be more civil, discernible, and possibly more clever. Clever like a B.C. comic. The kind of argument that really makes you think.

– “More like the Rob Kardashian of Staten Island you ugly bitch.” Vinny to Angelina on her looking similar to Rob Kardashian and being an ugly bitch. I’m pretty sure he was referring to Rob Kardashian Jr., but I think she looks more like Rob Kardashian Sr., his father and a good friend of O.J. Simpson.

Angelina? Oh, nah. It's just Rob Kardashian.

– “If I buy you a Fossil watch can I suck on those tits?” Pauly to Angelina
– “Ron’s MacGyver, yo.” Vinny on Ron completely avoiding any trouble. Clearly Vinny’s never seen the episode where MacGyver went back to the 12th century due to a hockey concussion.
– “Like when you’re little you want to believe Santa Claus is alive. Santa Claus is fucking dead.” The Situation. He’s going to be a great father. Instead of explain to his child that Santa Claus is completely made up he’ll just tell his kid that Santa Claus is dead and possibly murdered. We think The Situation is confusing Santa Claus with Jesus, but that’s not really his fault. I blame the Secularization of Christmas. If we’d only focus on the religious aspect of Christmas The Situation’s daughter would never have to learn that Santa Claus was killed in the most grisly fashion.
– “Great Personality.” Cut to Vinny’s girl Ryan saying “I work at Hooters.” I thought Ryan was really hot and much better looking than the average Hooters waitress. I can’t speak to her personality, though.
– “Snooki: Do you want to go back with me? Dennis: Yeah, I do.” I just really loved the response, “Yeah, I do.” Dennis, the taco cooker, should be way more excited to hook up even if it’s with Snooki. He’s a guido named Dennis. That’s like me, a white guy, being named DeLonte. It just doesn’t sound right.
– The boss at the Gelato shop didn’t seem very interested in Sammi’s complaints about JWoww. He just stood there and mumbled. It would have been nice if he acted more like Pete from Muppets Take Manhattan who gave what is possibly the greatest speech by any immigrant restaurant owner of all time.
– Snooki and JWoww cleaning up The Smush Room in garbage bags reminded us of Cuba Gooding Jr and Dustin Hoffman in Outbreak. In Outbreak they were battling the Ebola virus. Snooki and JWoww faced a worse foe: used Guido condoms.
– “This is the first time I ever made a bed.” Snooki on making the bed in The Smush Room. Who are these people in Snooki’s life who thought she was so special that she never needed to make a bed, ever?
– “If it’s like a smush, you gotta put lotion on your butt.” Snooki.
– “Marco is a grenade, grundle, choad.” Snooki on Dennis’ friend Marco. We thought he looked like a really depressed, Hispanic version of Tom Sizemore.

Marco? Oh, nah. It's just Tom Sizemore.

– “Angelina is wide, bro.” Pauly on Vinny making out with Angelina in the cab. He didn’t feel that way last episode when he made out with her in a cab.

– “Vinny, why don’t you check the Staten Island Dump cause I heard you like to visit it this time of year!” Pauly on Vinny hooking up with Angelina. It’s possibly that they had sex, but we won’t know officially until next episode.

The Staten Island Dump, aka Angelina. Vinny, the Bulldozer, plows through her.

I thought this was a great episode. The sex and the actual fist fighting is really starting to pick up. We may have something here, folks. See you on Monday morning for our next recap. I literally have never been more excited for anything than I am for Vinny’s Uncle Nino coming to Miami. This one’s for you Uncle Nino. Can I call you Uncle Nino? Thanks.

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