Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 8

13 09 2010

This Sunday brought us a special, pre-VMA episode of JERSEY SHORE. Did it disappoint? Not really. This is mainly attributed to the episode’s plot not revolving around the Sammi/Ronnie love hurricane.

The Episode

– “Did Vinny fuck?” Ronnie, wondering if Vinny smushed Angelina. He did.

– “He buys her everything she ever wanted.” Snooki on how Jose buys Angelina everything she wants and why it was so messed up for her to sleep with Vinny. By “everything she ever wanted” she is referring to the Fossil watch, which featured so heavily in episode 7. The girls act like a Fossil watch is equivalent to a DeBeers diamond or Jose “skatelling” her.

Hi Angelina. It's me, your Fossil watch. Why did you smush Vinny?

– Vinny’s Mom and entire extended family came down to Miami for a night (in terms of the show at least. hopefully they saw him more than that one dinner). When she first called she was near a police officer…– “Do we have any red cups?” “I think that’s the least of your worries.” Vinny asks the question and Pauly responded. Pauly was right. Vinny, you slept with Angelina. The only reason you should need a red cup right now is to fill it with water to help chase the cyanide pill.

– “Angelina has proven the ho equation.” The Situation on Angelina proving that “treat her like dirt and she’ll stick to you like mud” is an absolute fact. This isn’t new knowledge, but she is pretty fucking fat. Vinny can do better. Jose can do better. The world can do better.

– “I think you should call him right now so he doesn’t buy you another Fossil watch.” Pauly on why Angelina should tell Jose that she smushed with Vinny. She eventually told Jose that she made out with him. Jose was upset, but understood that Angelina’s fat and that he’s only dating her because he lost some horrific bet.

You know you want it

– “Obviously you’re a lossey goosey because he got it in.” Snooki on Angelina’s loose vagina. Snooki knows first hand that Vinny is hung like a watermelon. We really like the phrase “loosey goosey” in relation to lack of female tightness.

– Vinny’s mom brought so much food. I think she brought at least three pounds of stuffed peppers. Is that legal? Can you bring that much food, even though it’s in bags, on a plane? Didn’t we learn anything from 9/11? Too soon?

– Why was Jose’s shirt off when he left the house at one point? Angelina asked him to leave and then he immediately took his shirt off for the 20 second walk? “All right, by Angelina. I’m going to take my shirt off now. Don’t sleep with Vinny again.”

– Uncle Nino. Uncle Fucking Nino. Uncle Mother Fucking Nino. This guy’s legendary. I couldn’t find any pictures of him, but I did find this movie poster of a film called Uncle Nino starring Joe Mantegna and Anne Archer. I have no idea what it’s about, but I guarantee you it isn’t half as entertaining as the actual Uncle Nino. – “It’s like a broad. You can borrow it, but you gotta bring it back. Eh, yeah.” Uncle Nino

– “Scary delicious” Uncle Nino on the girls being hot, I think. He splashed water at their fake breasts when he was in the hot tub.

– He refered to Pauly D as Pauly Spike and The Situation as Sanitation. He is The OG.

– Between one of the dinner courses Ronnie had to spray out the bathroom because he dropped a massive bomb. There’s not enough poop related humor in JS. We could use some more. I’d really like an episode where Pauly and The Situation bring a girl home who drops a grenade in their bathroom. They would end up pushing her off on a drunk and willing Vinny. They would laugh about it in their room and then, upon seeing him in the morning, Pauly would say, “Your girl clogged the toilet last night. It’s like a Hurricane Katrina in there” and then hand him a plunger. The Hurricane Katrina reference would make no sense, but that’s how a lot of their jokes are anyway.

– “Hook up with a couple extra for your Uncle Nino.” Uncle Nino.

– The blonde girl The Situation brought home looked like she was wearing a white cape. No one mentioned it, but we wish they would have. Imagine him saying “I lifted up that cape and showed her who the real Superman was.”

– “Pauly’s chick is in his bed. My chick is in my bed. My chick has my sweat pants on. Pauly’s chick has his sweat pants on. And we about to get to the business.” The Situation. They didn’t get to “the business” by the way. Also, one time I tried to convince a girl to wear my sweat pants, which are black Adidas soccer pants that are covered with intermittent paint stains. She looked at them and saw the name “David Levine” on the tag. She was confused and left shortly after. That is, unfortunately, a very true story.

– “What!? You should a felt bad at the club when I was grabbin up on your ass!” The Situation on why the caped girl’s boyfriend shouldn’t matter because he was grabbing her ass at the club earlier.

– My favorite moment of the episode: The Situation, when they were getting the girls to come over at 6.30 in the morning, splashed gross hot tub water on his face to wake himself up. Normal people splash cold water on their face, but The Situation wakes himself up by tossing hot tub water on his face. And, mind you, this a hot tub that Uncle Nino most definitely peed in, twice. The Situation also looked in the mirror and said, “Woah!” before the girls were supposed to come over.

– “That’s real, though. At least she did that for you. That’s what’s up.” Pauly D on his girl not bringing over a grenade for The Situation at 6.30 in the morning.

– “I sit back with my egg sandwich. I’m just eating my egg sandwich, lie, and then once a while Pauly look at me, I’m like ‘Go, yeah dawg, keep it goin’ dwag!” The Situation on watching Pauly D have sex while he ate an egg sandwich. That was actually my favorite moment of the episode. The Situation eating an egg sandwich while Paul smushed is just perfect.

Go about your business. It's just me and The Siituation watching you have sex.

– “Shit happens.” Angelina on her sleeping with Vinny. She’s wise like Forest Gump, but lacks his charm. She’s disgusting. Also, it was The Situation who forced Angelina to tell Jose about Vinny. It was classic Situation: unneccessary involvement in someone else’s life in the rudest of ways. We’ve decided that The Situation is the real Karma Police. He decides what’s right and what’s wrong.

– The glorified pole dancer who Vinny decided he was in love with was named Ramona. He initially referred to her as Mona, which reminded us of Mona from WHO’S THE BOSS. This actually got a bit sad because Vinny was so non-confident when he called her. She then agreed to go out with him, but ended up not showing. This really upset Vinny. He’d only known her for five minutes, but she had a real effect on him. He was even considering “wifing” her up! What a bitch. I can’t believe that. The show ended with the haunting image of the flower bouquet that Vinny bought, which would never be given to Mona(Ramona).

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15 10 2010
Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 12 « COUNTRY COME TO TOWN

[…] drunken, not so veiled criticism of Ramona. If you remember, Ramona left Vinny out to dry in episode 8, but she didn’t this time. They had sex and we got to see that she had a tramp stamp. I guess […]

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