Fantasy Football Press Conference

15 09 2010

Fantasy Press Conference Questions

Every week we will talk to our local fantasy football owner, Chris T, to get the inside scoop on the match-ups of the weekend.

Q: You barely squeaked by this week. What do you, as an owner, need to do improve in the upcoming week?

A: Well, for one thing this is not what I expect out of a Boxslayer. We’re a proud organization, and some of these guys aren’t the right stuff. Percy Harvin has to stop being a woman. Seriously, you have migraines? Hike up your skirt and take a Midol. As for the heroes: Chad Ochocinco, Dallas Clark, and even She-Li Manning showed up. Damn proud of those guys. We’re going to train harder in practice, and by that I mean I will post degrading comments on their teams message boards to motivate them.

Q: We’re all aware of Ryan Grant’s ankle injury. Are you concerned about pushing him too hard this week to get back out there?

A: No. I’m not in this $50 a pop fantasy league to lose. When I drafted him in the second round, Ryan Grant personally guaranteed me that he would not get hurt, and if he did, he would commit seppuku out of shame.  He went on IR today, so it’s up to him to uphold his side of the bargain.

"I have brought shame to family."

Q: Javhid Best was publicly critical of you after he found out you weren’t going to start him, He told Pro Football Talks’ Mike Florio that you were a “foolish honky.” He showed something against Chicago with two touchdowns. Even though he was publicly insubordinate will you still start him next week?

A: He said that? I’m not a honky. I’m white, but I consider myself a man of the people. I listen to 50 cent, that’s not something a honky does. Jahvid is very young, and he’s also very stupid… and yeah I got no choice with Grant out so I will start him next week.

Q: It looks Michael Vick may start next week for Philadelphia. He can’t pass for shit and may spend most of the game running around while pundits declare that “Michael Vick is back.” Will this mean you won’t want to start DeSean Jackson?

A: Michael Vick went to jail for killing dogs, but his real crime was his completion percentage! (laughs) Yeah, I can’t start DeSean with that guy throwing to them.  McNabb doesn’t look so bad now, does he?

Q: You have Kenny Britt on your bench. Who the hell is Kenny Britt?

A: Shit, that must have been the autodraft machine. I stepped out to get a Mr. Pibb.

"If you know who I am, please tell me."

End Score:  Boxslayers 70, Team McNasty 67.

Boxslayers – 1-0




One response

20 09 2010
Fantasy Football Press Conference Week 2 « COUNTRY COME TO TOWN

[…] 1 ( saw Mr. Fierce’s Boxslayers squeak out a victory. He was not as fortunate in Week 2. We […]

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