Jersey Shore, Season 2, Episode 13

22 10 2010

“A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.” – Arthur Block

The Episode

– “Alligators, Crocodiles, whatever you want to call them.” Pauly not knowing the difference between crocs and gators.

– “Crocadillys.” Snookie knew, though. Kind of.

– CCTT has officially declared Pauly victorious over Vinny in the battle of hottest foreign quasi-girlfriend that is also foreign. Rocio is way hotter than Ramona and proved it with her hot outfit this episode. Neither of them got goodbye sex, though, which disappointed The Smush Room.

– “I’ve done all the right things.” Pauly on how well he’s treated Rocio even though he’s brought at least four girls back home since he’s known her. Pauly’s even above his own laws.

– “It’s not that kind of chick.” Pauly on It (Rocio) not being the kind of girl you goodbye bang. He then went on to make out with a couple of girls at the club.

Pauly D and It

– “You’re gonna have the threesome of a lifetime.” Random girl to Vinny. Isn’t every threesome the threesome of a lifetime? I’ve never had one and probably won’t, but if I were lucky enough to have multiple threesomes I don’t think I’d sit around and judge them against each other. “Hmm, that threesome was okay, but I liked that other threesome better.” Also, imagine threesome pillow talk. You’d have to keep turning over to whisper sweet nothings. “Tonight was amazing, baby.” Turn over. “I really think this might turn into something serious” Turn over. “Eh, no. I think we could be serious as well.” Now I’m not even sure if I want a threesome.

– “That’s a Situation-some.” The Situation. He ended up pulling off a robbery of sorts and took Vinny’s threesome girls into the bathroom for a make out session. I don’t think they had sex, possibly a HJ, but no sex. Also, that wasn’t really a robbery because Vinny wasn’t 3-way inclined. What should we call it? I can’t think of a term, but it’s comparable to stealing from Goodwill. You’re stealing something that somebody didn’t want in the first place.

– “I’m not fucking any of my roommates, therefore I shouldn’t have to clean up any of their shit.” JWoww.

– “Friends is a deep word.” JWoww to Snooki on why she shouldn’t even refer to Sammi as a friend in the past tense. JWoww is really dropping some knowledge out there. Maybe she’s pushing for a Tyra Banks style chat/advice show after JS ends. We know she turned down 400K from Playboy because she has a better offer. Maybe this is what she’s thinking.

– “That hamburger meat looks like Vinny’s chest hair.” The Situation

– “I would spin circles around Mike like I always do.” Ronnie on how he can always out smart The Situation. Another in a long line of Ronnie malapropisms.

– “Yous guys are all fucking nuts!” Pauly to Snooki and JWoww. This all started because of the “whose fake” talk. Obviously, they’re all fake, both physically and in terms of their personalities, but we’ll try to recap this.

The Situation said Vinny was fake (a follower), mostly because he tans now and he didn’t tan last season.

JWoww said The Situation was fake and then left the room.

The Situation then said that JWoww was fake while she was gone.

Pauly and Vinny, because Snooki thought they nodded in agreement with The Situation, said JWoww was fake, even though they didn’t.

Pauly, via JWoww telling The Situation, said that The Situation was fake, even though he really didn’t.

– “I didn’t say words that came out of anybody’s mouth.” Snooki. That non-sensical gibberish pretty sums up the entire “fake” argument. Also, Pauly got really fucking pissed during all this. It reminded us of Arsenio Hall Going Ham on Queer Nation. If you watch the entire video you’ll see Paul Hogan as Arsenio’s guest. It’s worth the wait.

– “My blood pressure’s off the roof.” Snooki, not Ronnie, I repeat not Ronnie, to JWoww when she thought everyone was mad at her.

– “Give the cat a meat ball.” The Situation to Snooki, which helped to defuse all the anger. I guess this was his way of apologizing for the creepiness and attempted sexual assaults from the last few episodes. Sir, I accept.

– The Situation threw an entire slab of bacon into a really small pan. This prompted CCTT to have a ten minute conversation about the pros/cons of this method. Would the bacon fully cook? Maybe it would be better because the bacon might slide off each other easier. Why are they still letting The Situation cook? Why do bad things happen to good people?

– “This is not my first rodeo.” The Situation. No it’s not. It’s your second and your third “rodeo” is coming up in January, but it will probably be your last.

That’s it for this season. I hope y’all enjoyed it as much as we did. Next week we’ll be posting our Season 2 awards so look out for that. Also, according to the video below, every member of Boys 2 Men won the Masters prior to Tiger Woods, which makes them Augusta’s first black champions.

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