The Truth Behind 9/11: Mini-Shampoo Bottles!

27 10 2010

After the attack on September 11th, 2001 a number of conspiracy theories started popping up. The theories ranged from “Inside job”  – our own government creating the tragedy in order to invade the Middle East – to a plot by advanced aliens causing the tragedy in order to cover up an alien sex tape – which I saw, and was obviously just a midget in a costume. But now the scary and all too real truth has emerged. In recent documents retrieved by CCTT that even wikileaks would not release due to their controversial truth, it’s all become clear who is to blame for the 9/11 attacks – the mini-shampoo bottle corporations!

I know what you’re saying, “This is stupid. You’re stupid.” but deep down in your heart you know it’s true and what you’re really saying is, “I’m scared. I’m super super scared of the truth, and you’re right, and really damn good looking. P.S. That’s a huge bulge in your pants.”

BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!!

Alright, that was my alarm system, “They” now know I’m writing this article. I don’t have much time, so here it goes. In the year 2000, the bottling corporations held a top secret meeting to discuss their sloping sales in the mini-shampoo and mouthwash departments – which in the 90’s accounted for 37% of their gross sales. (You know, those little bottles that each hotel has in the bathroom of your room.) They devised a simple but genius plot to halt people from bringing their own shampoo and mouthwash onto planes and into said hotel rooms when traveling; they devised an attack.

An attack on the United State’s infrastructure that would cause such upheaval that it would demand an overhaul of the airline industry’s policy of allowing people to fly with large bottles of liquid. In the top secret documents, the then head of Jergens, James T. Shampoon, is quoted as saying, “If people can’t carry their own shampoo, they’ll rely on the hotels… and the hotels rely on us for their mini bottles. My friends, one hand shampoos the other.” Within minutes the vote was cast and the decision was made. Blame the attack on extremists and save the mini-shampoo industry.

Lather, rinse, deceit.

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