A Conversation From The First Thanksgiving

22 11 2010

Pilgrim: Hey man, just wanted to say thanks again for all this. Oh, and I’ve got a great name for tonight’s dinner: Thanksgiving.

Indian: Yeah, Thanksgiving, I like that because we’re all thankful for the food and stuff, but remember that there’s no need to be overly grateful to us Indians. We saw that  you guys were having a bit of a rough go and we thought we could help. No big deal. Our food is your food, our land is your land. Take whatever you want…except my sister. Ha ha ha.

Pilgrim: Ha ha ha. And the same goes for you! Ha!

Indian: Ha ha. Wooh!

The Indian does the awkward post joke clapping thing for a couple of seconds and then stops. Awkward silence.

Indian: Eh, well, you know maybe this thing could become a tradition. Us, the Indians, and you, the Pilgrims. Every November. What do you think?

Pilgrim: Yeah, maybe.

Indian: Maybe?

Pilgrim: Well, it would be a bit silly to talk about the future when you never know when circumstances will change.

Indian: Oh. So you think you guys may go back to Europe?

Pilgrim: Not exactly.

Indian: Well now I’m a little confused. You’re not leaving, but you can’t commit to an annual Pilgrim and Indian get together?

Pilgrim: We may be moving a little west.

Indian: Well that’s cool. How far west?

Pilgrim: Just a couple of miles.

Silence.

Indian: Oh.

Pilgrim: Yeah.

Indian: So you just think you can take our land?

Pilgrim: I thought you said that your land was our land.

Indian: I was speaking metaphorically.

Pilgrim: Okay, but I hope you were being literal about the food, though. This is just one night and we’re going to be hungry all winter–

Indian: Dude! Enough with what I said earlier.

Pilgrim: Yeah, let’s just live in the moment, man. Right now we’re having a great dinner and we don’t need to worry about anything else.

Indian: How can I? You and your buddies plan on taking over everything.

Pilgrim: It’s not personal.

Indian: How so?

Pilgrim: In the sense that it’s not a question of what individuals Indians live in the area. We’d take the land no matter what Indians lived there.

Indian: That’s good to know.

Pilgrim: Don’t be sarcastic. It’s Thanksgiving.

Indian: Well I don’t have a lot to be thankful for right now.

Pilgrim: Okay, think about this way. If I coughed right now or even flicked a booger at you then you’d be dead in a matter of weeks. But I’m not going to do that because I like you.

Indian: Thanks.

Pilgrim: That’s the spirit!

Indian: I was being sarcastic again.

Pilgrim: Shit.

Indian: Actually I think I’m going to head out.

Pilgrim: Okay, cool.

The Pilgrim tries to do a fist pound with The Indian. The Indian was not having it unlike former NC governor Mike Easley.


Pilgrim: C’mon. Don’t be like that.

Indian: The next time you see me I will be all decorated in war paint with a bunch of my Indian friends.

Pilgrim: Really?

Indian: Really.

The Indian starts to walk off.

Pilgrim: Hey, hey, hey. Hold on a second.

Indian: Yes?

The Pilgrim sneezes all over The Indian.

Pilgrim: All right, see you around. Oh, and thanks again for the dinner.

Indian: Shit.

End.

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