Rex Ryan: “It’s Me vs. Steely McBeam”

19 01 2011

Coach Rex Ryan threw down the gauntlet today by stating that this Sunday’s AFC Championship game boiled down to a one-on-one personal match-up between himself and Pittsburgh mascot Steely McBeam, a cartoonish steel worker.

“Make no bones about it. This isn’t Jets vs. Steelers. It’s mano-a-mascot. Big Rexy  against Steely McBeam, the fluffy caricature who has robbed me of my dignity one too many times.”

Rex Ryan has established a winning trend this postseason by saying the past two games were personal matchups with “Rex vs Peyton Manning” and “Rex vs. Bill Belichick.” Many pundits believed the upcoming game with Pittsburgh would elicit a similar proclamation of going against Ben Roethlisberg, Hines Ward, or Coach Mike Tomlin.

“No. It’s that Irish bastard, Steely McBeam. You won’t see him dancing with his shoes off to Footloose this Sunday.”

Besides the mocking of Rex Ryan’s foot-fetish, McBeam also donned an inflatable sumo outfit while wearing Ryan’s signature Jets sweater vest; an obvious jab toward the Coach’s weight problem.  Ryan vows to have his revenge this weekend.

“I have a lot of different bits I’m going to throw at him this weekend. I enlisted the help of Ray Romano, and we have a skit showing Steely with a limp beam between his legs. Let’s see him make fun of my double-chin after I expose him as the impotent sonuva bitch he is. Everybody will Love Rex after this.”

“And I’m not that fat anymore.” Ryan added.

Despite Coach Ryan’s big-talk, many analysts have doubts as to whether he can counter the fresh, original routines of McBeam.

“Rex Ryan talks a lot of trash, but taking on a trained comedic professional such as McBeam is suicide,” explains ProFootballTalk’s, Mike Florio. “McBeam may be the lamest of all NFL mascots, but players and coaches have no business becoming entertainers. Remember Michael Strahan’s sitcom, Brothers? Yeah, neither do I.”

"And here's the kicker: my brother is in a wheelchair!" Sold.

Also check out the Carolina Panther’s Owner Open Letter to Andrew Luck:




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