Larry Drew II’s Mom: A History

8 02 2011

By now you are aware that Larry Drew II’s mom is a crazy woman. Or, to quote Wayne Campbell, a “psycho hose beast.” CCTT has discovered that this is nothing new.

– March 6th, 1990. Mrs. Drew demands that nurses re-weigh and re-measure Larry multiple times until he is declared the largest and healthiest baby in the hospital.

– May 11th, 1996. Upon hearing that Larry was not selected to play the title role in an elementary school production of Hamlet, Mrs. Drew took over the play’s direction eventually giving multiple parts to her son. Drew II played Hamlet, Ophelia, and Laertes. The play received very poor reviews.

– July 15th, 1998. Mrs. Drew takes Drew II away from Rushing Falls Summer Camp in the middle of the night after learning that her son was in line to win the camp’s Spirit Award and not Camper of the Year. Drew II’s bunk-mates were left short-handed and consequently unable to complete their arts and crafts project, which was building a canoe. The bunk mates were forced to make macaroni portraits of their mothers, which their mothers only pretended to like.

– April 4th, 2002. Young Drew II was turned down for a date by Jennifer Adamson because of his wispy teenage mustache. Mrs. Drew calls Mrs. Adamson to complain and defends mustache claiming that “it’s a mark of maturity” and that the young Miss Adamson had “made the biggest mistake of her life.”

– May 19th, 2008. Mrs. Drew demands that Drew II be named valedictorian even though his grades placed him in the middle of the pack. Mrs. Drew cited the graduation episode of Saved by the Bell where Zack, though a pitiful student, spoke for the class instead of Screech as precedent. She declared “if it worked at Bayside it can work at this school.”

CCTT wishes Drew II all the best. Hopefully, he can go back to Encino and have some fun.

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