CCTT Misses Girl’s AIM Profiles

15 02 2011

The invention and success of Facebook has changed the world in a number of obvious ways. We now know when girls we like go from “in a relationship” to “single,” when our buddy’s plan on having a wild weekend because we see “not looking forward to monday” as their status, and how much every person in the world hates “Dook” during ESPN”s rivalry week. What’s rarely discussed, and what really hit home after Time named Zuckerberg their Person of the Year, is the fact that the rise of Facebook is directly proportional to the decline of girls expressing their emotions, actions, and thoughts through AIM profiles and AIM away messages.

And I know what you’re going to say, “What about status updates and Facebook profiles?” Status updates aren’t nearly on the same level because we see Kelly Smith’s picture accompany her update. The association with the words and the person is direct. Kelly Smith will just flat out say “what a shitty day” instead of looking up the exact lyrics to a Jewel song she liked in middle school. And searching out quotes on girl’s Facebook profiles is time consuming and even too creepy for the members of CCTT.

So while we’re in this nostalgic mood, we’ve decided to provide you with some examples of how it went down in the internet’s golden age of 2000-2006.

Girl: SassyStephanie17

Quote in AIM Profile: “Be young, be foolish, be happy.”

Explanation: “Sassy” recently broke up with or was dumped by her boyfriend. At first she stayed in her dorm/apartment and watched whatever romantic comedy was on TBS that weekend. After about two weeks of that she’d had enough and got back in the swing of things. She dipped her well-manicured toe in the water and had a nice drunken make out session at a bar/party. The next weekend she went a little further and actually spent the night with a guy, but no sex. She continued to do this for a couple of weeks until she finally realizes it’s okay to slut around a little bit and let us know by declaring that it’s okay to “be young, be foolish, be happy.”

Girl: Jen1234

Quote in AIM Profile: “If it is right, it happens- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” John Steinbeck

Explanation: “Jen” has been in college for a couple of years. She’s liked a couple of guys, but nothing serious has come of these dates/flirtations/drunken gropings in dorm study lounges. She needs to tell herself and the world that it’s perfectly okay to be single for a long period of time and that no one should “hurry” because “nothing good gets away.” (Ironically, I used the same quote after I contracted herpes. All my guy friends made fun of me, not realizing the pain, emotional and literal, that I was going through.) It’s also important to note two things about “Jen.” First, she takes the time to properly source her quote, thus legitimizing its pomposity. Second, her screen name is “Jen1234,” which means that she’s had this SN since at least 6th grade. Basically, the girl’s a pro and knows that if you really want to make the people on your buddy list think you need to bring out the heavy hitters: Shakespeare, Steinbeck, Carey, Mariah or Jim.

Girl: Jackie2theExTrEmE!

Quote: “Loving once and only once is possible – anything is possible.” Nicholas Sparks

Explanation: ‘Jackie’, as it turns out, isn’t very extreme at all. The quote above is the tell-tale sign of a girl who’s been dating the same guy since she was 16. His name’s Chip, he goes to State, and takes her to his lame fraternity parties. Jackie sees everyone else around her having fun, hooking up, and living a life free (for the most part) of consequence. ‘Jackie’ needs to let everyone know that having a long term, steady boyfriend does not mean that she’s missing out on the college experience. But how? Nicholas Fucking Sparks. He knows about love and Jackie knows about love so they make for the perfect AIM combination; the quote and the girl are both sincere and delusional at the same time. And I take back my first sentence. I’ve seen through my own satire and condescension and now realize that love is the most extreme thing of all. Thanks, Jackie.

Girl: UNCWPrincess

Quote on Away Message: Out for a fun Friday night! (idle status)

Explanation: You’ve had a crush on ‘UNCW’ since the beginning of ECON 101. It’s 2:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon and your worst fears are now confirmed. There’s a 95% chance she spent the night with that guy Brandon who is a total jerk. You saw them talking after class, laughing and enjoying themselves. A shiver went down your spine then, but it’s nothing compared to what you’re feeling right now. Her idle status has told you everything. You’ve lost and Brandon has won. You say to yourself, “I never found the right time to ask her out…there just wasn’t enough time!” You’re just lying to yourself now, though. There was plenty of time. They’re probably out for a late lunch, a stroll around campus, and discussing “how lucky they are to have found each other.” You have only one option. You have to run to the cafeteria to see if she’s eating with her friends. If she is then you still may have a chance. If she’s not you’ll have to go home next weekend to visit your parents. You’ll claim that you wanted to “catch up on laundry” and work on your paper in “a more peaceful environment.” You’ll actually just lay in your bed and watch re-runs of Seinfeld. How could she have fallen for an ass-hole like Brandon!?

CCTT is an organizastion that prides itself on being fair, which is why we’ve included an AIM quote from a guy’s past, my past.

Guy: Theodorelogan12

AIM Away Message Quote: “One day you’ll look to see I’ve gone/ For tomorrow may rain/ so I’ll follow the sun”

Explanation: I don’t recall the exact circumstance, the time, or the girl in question, but there was a girl I liked and I knew I would never date. I was starting to realize this and needed to express myself to her and to any other girls who might check out my away message and see what a thoughtful and sensitive guy I was. Ideally, the girl in question would see my quote and realize that I was talking about her and decide that we really should be together. This never happened, though. It’s rare that people appreciate a guy who’s willing to bare his soul like that. The fact that I picked the Beatles says the world about how great a guy I was; tasteful, specific, and widely regarded as the greatest of all time. Sadly, we can only assume that she never saw it because she was making out with Brandon from Econ class. Of course it would have been possible that she could have seen it the next morning, but by that time I had probably changed my status to “Class” even though I had probably skipped that morning so I could stay in and watch MacGyver on TV Land. And by the way, I still am following that sun.

We hope that reminded everyone about what it was like to live in a pre-Facebook world where a girls AIM profile could tell you more about them than a five hour conversation. We miss you AIM.




One response

27 05 2012

It feels great to have that familiarity with your enmnvoirent, the kitchen, the dining room, makes me feel comfortable. I have most of the books in your notes. I am at the point in my life of integrating all these notes into an authentic me, making it work, having the success and peace and love these books say. Remember your 10 principles? Can you expound more of that as your body of work aside from the summary of the notes? Great job Brian.

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