Greatest Video Ever: Internet Safety

29 03 2011

Watch the video, think about it, and then check out our thoughts on the matter.

РSo we begin with a close up of Tom drinking  a knock off slurpee on a park bench. This an attempt to convey to the audience just how alone in the world Tom feels.

– “I don’t know, just chillin’.” Tom to Kathy. Kathy knows something’s wrong, but Tom, still shaken up from the bad internet experience, is distant.

– “I was surfing the net last night and I saw some things…” Tom. Even though Tom actually just saw some adult material on the internet, this line and Tom’s solid delivery make it seem like he just returned from Vietnam. If we aged the characters forward ten years and the filming time back twenty the “I saw some things” line would be quite useful in a Vietnam War film. Kathy could be the girl he left behind when he was drafted and their first post-war meeting could occur on a park bench.

– “Oh, I think I know what you mean.” Kathy. She gets it, man. She knows that people can see some tough stuff while “surfing the net.” Note how she isn’t overly dramatic. She simply tells Tom that these things are normal and that he shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed. She knew that histrionics would be out of place here and actually just make Tom feel worse. I wonder what Kathy’s doing now? I’ll try to look her up on Facebook and send her some lurid messages about her performance.

– Also, Tom and Kathy appear to be meeting in the park without any adult supervision. I’m pretty sure it’s much easier to get molested, kidnapped, or just creeped out in general when you’re alone at a public park without an adult in sight. But to be fair to Tom, when you’ve had the kind of experience he’s had a public park bench is the only place to go to clear your head.

– Sandy and Lisa’s reactions and attitudes about ‘chatting’ appear to be accurate. I definitely recall being at a friend’s house or being at my own home and agreeing with friends on what should be said next and reacting together on what was said to us. When we did it, though, we weren’t talking to strangers we were usually talking to our actual friends. But I do remember writing an e-mail to the AOL Dictionary people where I called them “dick heads.” My friend and I thought this was really funny, but I wasn’t laughing when they e-mailed back and my computer privileges were taken away for a week because of my bad behavior. So I guess you can say that “I saw some things.”

– The pull back/reveal of the internet predator may be the greatest thing ever caught on film. The moment we see his flabby, uncovered arm we know that we are in for something special. When we realize that he’s wearing a blue cut off pullover it almost seems like the world’s going to end, but only by seeing his mustache do we realize we are staring evil directly in the face.

– The Blue Pullover. It seems to me that this character woke up, decided he was going to do some internet predator stuff, remembered that it could be quite chilly in the computer room, thought about putting a tee-shirt on, and then realized that he may as well put on the cut off because it’s much creepier. It’s his version of dressing for the job you want as opposed to the job you have.

– Let’s give credit to the video’s producers because they could have gone way more over the top than they did. Note The Wire-esque subtlety of the predator simply nodding in affirmation after the girls agree to meet in front of the mall. This guy’s pumped up and they could have easily had him say, “Yes!” and do a fist pump. They chose a small moment of personal satisfaction and for that we applaud them.

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