CCTT Q and A on Facebook Birthday Wall Posts

20 04 2011

CCTT has long been fascinated with Facebook birthday greetings and we had the good fortune to interview Matt Simpson, whom we’ve deemed an ‘expert.’

Matt Simpson

CCTT: Thanks for speaking with us today. We understand your birthday was this past Monday.

Matt: Very true. On that note would you mind if  I got something off my chest?

CCTT: Not at all.

Matt: I know this is going to sound like a cliché and I already said something similar on Facebook, but this is really important to me. I genuinely feel blessed to have so many great friends who took time out of their busy days to wish me happy birthday. It really meant a lot to me because sometimes you forget how many people out there truly care about you. And I know what you’re thinking. “Birthday announcements pop-up on the upper right hand corner of the main page and it takes about ten seconds to click on the person’s name and write ‘happy bday!’ I understand how people could see it that way, but let’s reverse that logic. In reality it’s just as easy to ignore those updates and move on without saying anything. By wishing someone a happy birthday on Facebook you’re actually showing how much you care because it is so easy ignore.

CCTT: That’s sound logic.

Matt: Thank you. It took me about three years on Facebook to realize that.

CCTT: Time well spent. Would you mind discussing some of the specific birthday wishes you received?

Matt: I would love that.

CCTT: Okay, how bout Jonathan Grazzoli who said, “Happy Birthday, bro!”

Matt: Right, Grazolli. The Grazzster. Good guy. I wasn’t surprised he wished me happy birthday because he’d done it two years previously, but forgot last year. He probably just wasn’t online that day.

CCTT: Did The Grazzter’s forgetfulness bother you?

Matt: No, no, no. Not at all. Like I said, if he would have known he would have done it. No big deal.

CCTT: Did you wish him happy birthday when his date came around?

Matt: Yes. If memory serves I said, “Another Happy Birthday to The Grazzster! Hope you’re doing well, buddy. I hope you have a kick butt 26th year. Rock on!”

CCTT: Well that sounds a bit showy.

Matt: Showy? What are you implying?

CCTT: That’s a pretty long greeting. Most greetings tend to be simple stuff like “Happy bday” or “Have a good one!” regardless of how good of friends the two individuals in question are. They’re usually only long if they include some sort of joke. Your message to The Grazzster contained no attempt at humor.

Matt: So you think I was somehow going overboard, almost in an attempt to embarrass him for his lack of courtesy just so he’d remember to wish me happy birthday the next time around?

CCTT: I wouldn’t use those words , but that’s pretty much what I was thinking. Let’s move on.

Matt: Yes, let’s.

CCTT: What about Jennifer Schwartz and her “Happy Birthday! Hope you’re doing well!”?

Matt: Well that’s actually pretty interesting.

CCTT: How so?

Matt: Jennifer and I used to date in high school. We went out for like a year and eight months and broke up before college started because of the whole ‘distance’ thing.

CCTT: Understandable.

Matt: Definitely. It made total sense. At the time I was a little hurt, though. I did some drunk dialing type stuff. You know, calling late at night on a Friday and crying into the phone and shouting “Why did you dump me!?” or “Do you think you’re better than me? Because you are so not better than me.” Stuff like that. It kind of strained our relationship for a while, but I think it’s a testament to both our maturity levels that we always, without fail, wish each other happy birthday when the time comes.

CCTT: I agree. Now one last question. Jill Stein said, “Happy Birthday! See you in the office. :)” Is there something going on there?

Matt: Yes and No. Jill and I work together hence the adorable little joke “see you in the office.” I should say now, though, that Jill’s engaged to this great guy named Todd. Real solid dude. That being said, I do think that Jill and I have always felt really comfortable together.

CCTT: Comfortable how?

Matt: Oh just the normal stuff. We joke around about a lot of things. Like making fun of our boss or making fun of lame American Idol contestants. And we do this one thing, and only God knows how it started, where we both will come up to each other”s desks, take a random chair, and sit it in it backwards. We call it “Slater Style” after A.C. Slater from Saved By The Bell. So like if I come up to her desk and sit Slater Style she’ll always say, “What’s happening, Slater” and I’ll say, “Nothing much, Preppy.” It’s just one of those inside joke things you develop with someone once you really get comfortable with them.

CCTT: What do your co-workers think?

Matt: About Slater Style?

CCTT: Yes.

Matt: I don’t know. I don’t think a lot of them know the show (Saved By The Bell) and the ones who do just think “Jill and Matt are at it again. I bet if her and Todd broke up she’d be dating Matt within a month.”

CCTT: You think your co-workers read that much into you and Jill’s banter?

Matt: Well if they don’t I’d say they’re either blind or compete morons. Anyone can see that there is some serious heat between us. Fire, if you will.

CCTT: I’m not so sure. It sounds like you two are just office friends. Everyone needs someone to help them get through the day and you and Jill serve that function for each other.

Matt: I’m starting to think you might be a moron, too.

CCTT: Hey, hey. Calm down, Matt.

Matt: I will not calm down! Let’s go back to the original birthday greeting because I want to discuss one crucial point.

CCTT: Fine.

Matt: Okay, so she used a smiley face, right? Let’s pretend for a moment that she used a winky face instead. What would that mean?

CCTT: I don’t know.

Matt: The winky face is a generically over the top emoticon. She’d only use the winky face if she wanted to let me know that she sees us only as friends and nothing else. So it’s like, the winky face is a joke in itself, which let’s someone know that there will always be a distance between the two of you. But the smiley face is an old standard that’s almost fallen out of fashion. Her bringing that back for my birthday greeting says everything. The whole thing’s pretty clear. Oh, and Todd and I and are Facebook friends too so it’s almost like she’s throwing our love in his chiseled face. I’m sure he doesn’t get it, though, because he’s such a god damn philistine. The ass hole probably liked Avatar for its original story. (Pauses, breathing heavy) You know what. I think she’s ready. She’s ready for the era of Matt.

CCTT: I’m not so sure —

Matt: Who cares what you think!? You didn’t even know about winky face! Later, man. I’ve got a phone call to make.

CCTT: Don’t do it, Matt.

Matt: Hold on. One last thought. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. Do you know who said that?

CCTT: No.

Matt: Ha! You and Todd would probably be best freaking buddies. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that and I believe it. Good day.

CCTT would like to thank Matt for his time. The video below came up when I searched for “Do You Want to Know a Secret?” by The Beatles.

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One response

16 02 2012
Sean Morgan

There’s a free fb web app that let’s you pre-schedule happy birthday wall posts so you don’t forget your friends birthdays. It’s called birthdayFB. You can use it at http://birthdayfb.com

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