3 05 2011

Hey Y’all!! – Roger Riley here to report that it’s been a long time coming but finally, finally Obama is dead! Let’s give ourselves a big ole WooHoo!!  After years of ravaging our economy with his numerous attacks on democracy, American consumerism, and big business practices we can all rest easy that the man who has put fear in the hearts of Americans and recessed our economy for the last decade is finally dead.

If you haven’t heard, he was holed up in a big white house surrounded by gates, with numerous CCTVs monitoring the area. I know this comes as a huge surprise to all of us as the homes surrounding were reported to be much smaller than the million dollar mansion he was hiding in, but after analyzing the area from the numerous aerial photos the US government has supplied to CCTT it almost seems like he was hiding in plain view. Here’s an aerial photo of the “fortress” he was found in.

Now, to our country’s defense, there is probable cause that Obama was being aided in his elusiveness by people within the Pakistani government. We’re not saying that it goes as high up as the president of Pakistan, Asif Ali Zardari, but, well… I think the picture speaks for itself.

In this well documented meeting of the two men, Zardari was reportedly explaining the age old saying “A nan in the hand is as good as two in the bush.” To which Obama replied, “There’s no more Bushs around here. Up top, Z-man!” Now, I would hate to believe that the Pakistani government was part of hiding such a wanted felon, but I’m not sure how we as rational people can possibly believe that they were not colluding when they flaunt their relationship on national TV. I for one still have questions.

In the end, we can all thank the tireless American spirit, incredible intelligence community, and the highly trained Navy SEAL team that carried out the attack for finally bringing the world’s most wanted criminal to justice. With Obama out of our lives forevermore, our economy will finally be able to recover, the scars of 9/11 will begin to heal and we as a nation can finally move on from the damage one man has done.




One response

4 05 2011

I really wish we hadn’t signed that contract with Roger Riley that allowed him to publish this article in exchange for a case of Busch Light. But we already drank it, so that kind of destroys our ability to go back on it.

Disclaimer: CCTT does not endorse or agree with the views of Roger Riley. We respect and congratulate our President and are still celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden, who we totally fucking killed. USA! USA!

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