CCTT Worries about Arnold Schwarzenegger

10 05 2011

Bad news kids. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are getting a divorce. CCTT feels that Maria will be okay (she is a Kennedy after all), but we’re very concerned Arnold will have difficulty coping with single life. He’s been very isolated for a very long time. First as the world’s biggest movie star and then as the governor of California. How could he possibly interact with a normal person on a date?

Arnold’s Date: Are you enjoying your tacos?

Arnold: (Arnold accent) Yes, very much so. They often remind me of the tacos that Chef Juacimo made every Friday on the set of my 1993 action slash comedy Last Action Hero. Chef Juacimo made the greatest tacos. That was a simpler time. I just don’t (starts tearing up) know anymore.

Arnold’s Date: Are you crying?

Arnold: (slams hand on table sending taco debris everywhere)  Nooo!

It wouldn’t work at all. CCTT predicts that Maria will start dating soon and that Arnold will not handle this well. Here’s what we think might happen.

1) Maria starts dating a guy named Simon and Arnold uses his government contacts to track their conversations. His buddy, who looks a lot like Tom Arnold, attempts to hide a page of Simon and Maria’s conversations, which does not amuse Arnold in the least.

2) Arnold discovers that Maria is dating a guy with a child in elementary school. Arnold poses as a teacher and tries to get information from the students, but it doesn’t go quite as he planned.

3) Maria, in an attempt to bridge ties between the Western and Arab worlds, begins to date a Muslim. Arnold, whose become more and more paranoid after their split, is convinced that the man is a terrorist and chases him on horseback off the roof of a Washington DC hotel. In the end, Arnold is left alone with his horse and is now crazy enough to banter with the animal like it’s a person.

4) Arnold is able to find one of Maria’s suitors and beats the shit out of him under the false notion that this man had physically abused his youngest son Christopher.

5) After the ‘you hit the kid, I hit you’ incident, Arnold decides he’s mature enough to meet Maria’s new boyfriend who coincidentally looks exactly like Carl Weathers. Arnold tries to be chummy and jovially calls the boyfriend a “son of a bitch,” but sadly Arnold isn’t as mature as he’d like to be and gets involved in a really long and weird handshake with the new boyfriend.

6) Arnold has simply had it and decides that his only option is to cover himself up in mud and kill every man in the world. Watch out.

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2 responses

29 09 2011
grosir bedcover

Thankfully some bloggers can still write. Thank you for this post

6 10 2011
online games

This post couldn’t be more factual

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