Greek Basketball Fans Storm Streets To Celebrate Breakdown in NBA Labor Talks

5 10 2011

When a nation is down on its luck due to economic hardship, social unrest, or military conflict that state’s people often turn to sports for solace. The people of Greece are no different. Or are they? Usually, citizens unite under their own preferred professional teams or various national teams. Examples of these instances are plentiful: New Orleans rallying behind the Saints, America’s brief and unrequited love affair with women’s soccer this past summer, and that time Detroit was supposed to feel better about itself when they hosted the 2009 NCAA Men’s Basketball Final Four. But Greece has taken an international route to soothe their domestic woe. Once news broke yesterday of the NBA’s cancelled preseason Greek citizens took to the streets to celebrate the slim chance that some of America’s star basketball players could be heading their way sooner than later. Here are four pictures from the day’s events.

The day began peacefully enough with Greeks gathering together to chant, “MVP, MVP, MVP.” It’s still unclear whether they were referring to themselves as “MVPs” or if it was just something they’d seen Americans do on TV and felt that it was appropriate.

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Progressively Sadder Tweets From Bobcats Draftee Bismack Biyombo

23 06 2011

At the 2011 NBA Draft the Charlotte Bobcats used their top pick to select Congolese super-athlete Bismack Biyombo. The “18 year old” was just as excited as one would expect an 18 year old who just found out he was leaving central Africa for America to be. Unfortunately, his tweets indicated that his happiness waned as he found out more about the Bobcats and the state of sports in North Carolina. Here are some tweets from @LargeBiyomboBasketball

“SUper pumped ups to be playing for those Charlotte Bobcats next season. Who could be better to be owned by than Air Jordan! #NBA”

“More greatest news! Bobcats got Corey Maggette in trading. He going to be thrilling and generous teammate! #NBA”

“Kwame Brown good mentors to me. He also top NBA pick and have long arms! #NBA”

“Just found out Charlotte have pro American Football Team. The Panthers! I already think they are great team with brightest future. #NBA”

“ANd Race Car Champion Hall in Charlotte as well! I always wanted to see car! Vroom! #NBA”

“Whoopsies! Founds out that Racing car fans no like black peoples. Oh well! Still super thriling to be in NBA! #NBA”

“Been told dat Panthers our terrible. And won’t be any goods any time soon. That okay cause heard that there is a college team called Tars Heel that also play American Football. #NBA”

“Oh no! Tar Heel American Football players no write papers and no pay car tickets. SMHing (doing that right?) #NBA”

“More ungreat learnings. Corey Maggette no like to pass ball and thought of as bad attitude guy. Maybe Biyombo can help his meanness. #NBA”

“Curse! COrey Maggette no want Biyombo help! ‘RT @CMagette take your possitive attitude back to africa you dumb fuck. Your job is to get me the ball and watch as I attempt to get fouled.’ #NBA”

“Still glad I got the greatest of all times the Air Jordan to help me out! #NBA”

“Peeps been telling me that Air Jordan not greatest all time manager and owner and that he mostly play thing called golf. #NBA”

“ONe person tell me that Air Jordan after basketball name should be ‘Air Shit.” That mean and prob not write. Air Jordan picked Kwame Brown for Washington! #NBA”

“Looked up Kwame Brown on thing call wikipedia. It not too good, mans. Maybe he get better soon. #NBA”

“Curse! RT ‘@SwamiBrown I have not and will not improve.’ Me feeling sads now. #NBA”

“Learn dat Bobcats get no fans come to games and will be in re-doing process for many moons. THinking bout staying in Congo. Civil War sound better than Bobcats. SMHing. #NBA”

Yeah, we don’t blame you Bismack. Here’s some tribute video some loser Bobcats fan made for Biyombo.

CCTT Interviews Dustin Johnson’s Soul Patch

16 06 2011

Instead of previewing the actual US Open, CCTT has decided to head straight to someone who sees all the action up close: Dustin Johnson’s Soul Patch.

CCTT: Thanks for talking to us today. I know it must be a real hectic week so we really appreciate you taking the time.

Soul Patch: No problem. I’m rarely interviewed, but I do feel like I have a lot of insight. Fire away.

CCTT: Great. Golfers tend to be superstitious. Are you ever concerned that DJ would consider doing away with you after a string of poor performances?

Soul Patch: I really try not to think that far ahead. Like Dustin, I try to focus on each shot.

CCTT: But you’re a soul patch? You must realize that you’ll eventually have to go at some point.

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What’s Going to happen to HBO’s Hard Knocks?

13 06 2011

The NFL lockout appears imminent, but there’s one question that remains unanswered: What about Hard Knocks? What am I supposed to do on Wednesday nights in August? Regular season baseball? I’d rather be dead. Correspond with siblings and other relatives? Good Lord, no. Volunteering? Don’t ask stupid questions. This is why we need to figure out now what Hard Knocks should cover in its upcoming season.

1) NHL Team

Pros: This is the obvious answer for many reasons. It’s a sport that’s 90% as physical as football, their pre-season begins roughly around the same time, and their players tend to have funny foreign accents, which usually make for hilarious television. Also, the same type of mini-camp drama ensues; players getting cut, season ending injuries, and gratuitous amounts of cursing.

Cons: Hockey management seems to be nicer and in better shape than their NFL counterparts, which means that we will be deprived of the glorious juxtaposition of a 5 ft 300 pound man (Bengals Hard Knocks 09) telling a young athlete in the prime of his life that he’s simply not good enough. Hockey players are also paid less and subsequently don’t have the same inflated egos as their NFL counterparts. This means that they’re more self-aware/smarter and don’t do stuff like forget their child’s name (Antonio Cromartie) on national television.

2) Antonio Cromartie: Just Following This Guy Around As He Visits His Many Children

Pros: Hard Knocks: Antonio Cromartie would be great in so many ways. Nine ways to be exact. We’d basically just follow Cromartie as he attempts to visit his nine children, his seven baby mamas, and attempt to maintain a healthy relationship with his current wife. Imagine Liev Schrieber’s VO. “Cromartie rises at six for an early flight to Chicago to see his third youngest son, Jason. Unfortunately for Antonio, he’s bought a Barbie doll as a gift because he thinks he’s visiting his second oldest daughter, Tina. Cromartie’s in for a rude awakening.”

Cons: There’s ony two. One, with cameras around all the time Cromartie would eventually be forced into learning all of his children’s’ names, which could potentially subtract from the show’s humor. Two, the ridiculous amount of bad puns that would come from a show called Hard Knocks that focuses on a player who has knocked up eight different women.

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Saved By The Bell Meets Game 2 of the Mavs/Lakers Series

5 05 2011

On November 30, 1991 NBC ran an episode of television. This episode has more to say about the second game of the Lakers and Mavericks’ Western Conference semi-final than any other piece of early 1990s pop culture. The show is Saved By The Bell and the episode is “No Hope With Dope.” Most people probably remember this…

Here’s a brief synopsis of what you may not remember from the episode.

1) Movie star Johnny Dakota and his director “Dean” want to film an anti-drug commercial at Bayside. And if you think choosing the name “Johnny Dakota” was odd, I’d like to remind you that this was the early 90s; an era where all movie stars had to have ‘movie star’ names. River Phoenix, Tom Cruise, and Charlie Sheen are examples of movie stars whose last names connote easily identifiable coolness. The producers of SBTB really upped the ante by choosing the last name “Dakota.” Think about it this way. If John Krasinski wanted a career in the early 90s he would have been advised to change his name to John Alaska, John El Paso, or Johnny Luster.

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CCTT Prepares America for Soccer

2 05 2011

It’s still unclear whether the NFL and the NBA will actually have lockouts for the 2011 and 2012 seasons, but it is clear that as a nation the United States must begin to prepare. CCTT feels that it is our duty to extol the virtues and theoretical pitfalls of European soccer. This upcoming fall, Sundays could become a wasteland unless you’re one of the lucky few who are able to genuinely care about the PGA Tour’s Fed Ex Cup. There is an answer, though, and its name is soccer. Your Sunday mornings and early afternoons could be filled with joy and wonder that can only come from a sport where you’re not allowed to use your hands. Here’s what you need to know.

1) Ties Are Cool!

They say a tie is like kissing your sister, but that metaphor is only useful when referenced to the bewilderment (Donovan McNabb) and dismay (every ESPN pundit) caused by a tie in the NFL. It only happens every couple of years, but when it does it’s received with the same confusion and disgust one would receive if he was caught french kissing his sister. In other words, it’s simply no good. A tie in soccer is not wholly satisfying, but can be fun if the game is at least a bit entertaining. Basically, a tie in soccer is like a nice dry-hump session. Nothing was actually achieved, but you can lie to the guys in Mrs. Sampsons’ Bio class and say it was the coolest thing ever. It’s the same with a tie in soccer. “I know the score was 0-0, but it was up and down action the entire game.”

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CCTT Finds Cam Newton Column From 2016

29 04 2011

Once again CCTT has used our trusty time machine and traveled into the future. We found this article from the Charlotte Observer dated April, 28, 2016. Spoiler Alert!

Do you remember where you were, what you were doing, and who were with on April, 28, 2011? I do. I was with my wife, now ex-wife, watching the 2011 NFL Draft. At exactly 8.15 I turned to Sheila and said, “Cam Newton’s smile alone is worth 50 million dollars over five years.” Sadly, for me and many of you, I couldn’t have been more wrong if I tried.

It all started out innocent enough. There was the post-draft euphoria where we all looked forward to the Newton Era with the open-hearted excitement of a kindergartener on his first day of school – lunch pail filled, Capri Suns ready to be drained. For at least three months I don’t even think I heard the name Jake Delhomme. We kept our heads about us when our fortunes didn’t immediately change. Buzz words filled the air: “learning process,” “character building,” and the dreaded “rebuilding year.” After a pathetic 35 – 7 loss to the Detroit Lions, I earnestly consoled my son by saying, “Good things come to those who wait.” We barely have a relationship now (more on that later) and I think I can trace his animosity to that single cliché’.

Cam Newton’s passes went and the interceptions came. The first season was a mess, but we remained true to our savior, much like the Mayans when the Conquistadors first arrived. Heck, I even thought it was kind of sweet when his father, Cecil Newton (pronounced See-Sell Newton), was publicly shamed after demanding 150,000 dollars from the late Panthers owner Jerry Richardson. I said to myself that “he just doesn’t get it” and laughed the whole thing off. I even wrote a column in this very paper speculating that those who openly mocked Cecil Newton for not understanding that professional athletes weren’t paid under the table were no less than bigots. I apologize for that.

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